Medical Assistance

Well, I had to take another visit to the doctor… While I was on my 6-month adventure, I actually collected two injuries. One of them is obviously my head injury. Many of you know that story. It is a good one! And thankfully, I only really experience major pain from it once every couple months. Considering everything my poor head and neck went through, I see that as a major success. However, at some point during my trip (I think it was while I was in Belize but I am honestly not sure) I injured my foot. I probably like tripped over a log or something because I am as graceful as a rhino. I really don’t remember the exact moment that it happened. But it never really been super swollen or bruised so I just thought it would go away.

So here we are a year and a half later and it still bothers me. Not an overwhelming amount. I can still walk around campus and even run without too much pain. I started teaching dance again and that usually irritates it but for the most part it’s okay! But I noticed it was starting to get worse so I decided it was about time to get it looked at.

This past Wednesday I went to TOC to get it checked out. They took x-rays of my foot and then my mom and I went and sat in the room while we waited for the doctor to come give me the news. When he walked in, he came and pushed a couple areas on my foot. It actually felt pretty good, like a foot massage… Until he hit that one spot. Lemme tell you, I almost gave him a swift kick to the jaw. He kind of gave a half smile when I cringed because he knew that was going to be my reaction. It was conformation that he knew what was going on.

Apparently, I broke something that he referred to as the “kneecap of my big toe”. Not really sure exactly what that means but it kind of makes sense. But all I knew for sure was that for the past year and a half, I have been walking around broken. And I didn’t even know it! He got onto me for not coming to see him sooner but I thought I was okay. I thought I could handle it by myself.

A lot of times, God is like my doctor. He has all of the answers. He even knows how to fix it. We just have to admit that we have a problem. We have to be willing to let God take an x-ray of our hearts and show us the things that have been hurting us. The things that have been making us broken. That process is scary. And it might hurt. But once we can see and understand what has been hurting us, it should make us want to do whatever it takes to heal it.

Why did it take me so long to finally admit to a doctor that I had a problem and that I was in pain? How long do we walk around with things that hurt us and cause us pain before we finally decide to let God come in and heal us? It’s easy to be stubborn. To think that we can handle everything on our own. That if we just keep ignoring a problem, it will eventually go away. But we are walking around with broken bones. That kind of stuff doesn’t just heal on its own. It involves us making an appointment with THE doctor and healer and letting Him go to work.

People, Prayers, and Polynesian Sauce

So I made this lady cry at work yesterday… 

Hopefully you know me well enough to know it’s not because I yelled at her or told her she was ordering chicken wrong. I don’t really have that kind of personality like at all. Here’s what happened:

It was later in the evening, maybe like 8:30, and this lady in her mid-50s to early 60s came into the restaurant. I had sent everyone on cleaning projects to get us working on closing down the store, so I went over to take her order. I noticed that she was wearing all black but she looked very nice and put together so I didn’t really think anything of it. Nothing really unusual happened while she was ordering. She ordered a couple sandwiches and asked me if there was anything that would hold over until tomorrow, so I recommended our Spicy Southwest Salad (but this isn’t sponsored) since we refrigerate it anyway. The rest of the transaction went just as any other one would have.

After her sandwiches came up, I went to go give her the food she ordered. When I walked over to her, she didn’t say anything. She was just standing there nodding her head with her lips pressed together like she was trying to hold back something. I asked her if she was okay and she just broke down. Right there in the middle of the store. She told me her mom was in hospice and things were not looking good for her. Then she just came in for a hug and held me and told me how she was having the worst day and I was so nice to her and made her feel special. I told her I was very sorry for what she going through. She tried to tip me a couple dollars and I told her that we are not supposed to accept tips but that I appreciated the gesture. She kept insisting and finally I told her I would take it. This lady was just trying to show her generosity and I wasn’t going to throw her money back at her and tell her no. Especially after the kind of day she had. Then she took her food and left.

I literally stood there speechless trying to process this strange but super personal interaction I had just had with this lady. I had to walk in the back and compose myself for a second (I’m a sympathetic crier so this was kind of hard for me to keep it together). This wasn’t the first time this had happened to me either. Last month, I sat with a lady that came in with her kids who had a breakdown because her husband had been gone for almost a week working on the power lines after the hurricane hit and she was just exhausted. Yes, she made me want to cry too…

Everyone has heard phrases like “be sure to smile at everyone because you don’t know what they are going through”. But like really, you have no idea. And why people feel like they can be vulnerable with this chick who just took their order at a restaurant, I’m not sure. In both cases, I wasn’t intending to know things about the personal lives of these women. I noticed they looked upset and asked if they were okay. I try to pray every day that Christ’s love would radiate out of me and that people would be able to see that He has made me into a different person. When situations like this happen, I totally believe it’s because they see that. Christ has given me a desire to love those who need it and be there for the broken hearted. In fact, He calls all of us to do that. Sometimes we are too busy to notice those people though. All they want is for someone to see their hurt and offer help.

I know that working at Chick-fil-a is not the most glamorous job. (I mean I do rock the mess out of my picnic blanket shirt.) But it does put me in contact with so many people I would never run into if I didn’t work there. And honestly, that’s what Chick-fil-a’s mission is. At the end of the day, it’s not about how many sandwiches we sold. It’s about using food as a tool to bring people in and make connections with them. (Maybe I should be sponsored by Chick-fil-a for this.) But that’s how you should see your job or your classes at school too. Yes, it is about making money to pay the bills or making the grades to graduate and get a good job. But it’s also about putting yourself out in the world so you can get to know people and radiate Jesus. It might be kind of scary sometimes and not always the most fun. But people just need to know that someone cares enough to ask.

PS. I would also ask that you keep Mrs. Sam (the lady I met last night) and her family in your prayers. I don’t know if I will ever see or hear from her again but I know she would appreciate the thought!

Spreading Some Sunshine

For anyone keeping track (which is probably nobody, which is fine because I have), this is the 3^rd post I’ve written this month. Normally they are more spread out than this, but I just have so many thoughts I want to share! It’s no secret that the world today is full of a lot of messed up stuff. There’s so much tension and hurting and sadness. And if you know me at all, I try to focus on the good stuff. Especially as we move toward Thanksgiving and all of the other major upcoming holidays, I think it’s super important for us to think about the good things in our lives and the things to be thankful for. So here’s my list:

I’m not failing school yet! I was sure that between working as much as I need to and all of the hours I am taking I would be behind. But not right now! I mean there are some nights that I get less than the ideal amount of sleep, but that’s what coffee for. (I’m super thankful for coffee!) Also, for a while there was some confusion and delay about me receiving my bright futures scholarship for this semester. But I got it last week! Talk about a major stress relief! I literally did a dance when I saw it was in my bank account.

Today is my best friend’s birthday! So even though I’m spending most of my day doing homework and working, I’m still crazy thankful for her. She has been there for everything. And even though we have been friends for over 7 years now, we’ve only had a fight once. And it was the most awkward 5 minutes of our friendship (yes, literally it only lasted 5 minutes).

In 138 days, I get to go spend my spring break with my soul sister and her new husband! *cue overwhelming amount of tears of joy* She’s my first friend to get married and move away which has been really hard but I know she’s happy and that makes me so, so happy. I can’t wait to attack her with all of my built up hugs and love for her.

A couple weeks ago, I got to go to a wedding for someone that was on my mission trip. I love weddings! And I love that I got to meet my #1 snapchat friend on my trip and I got to see her start her forever with her wonderful husband. And in 221 days, I get to go to another wedding for someone I met on my trip. I don’t like that both of them don’t live in the same state as me but I like reasons to travel!

There are so many other things I could write about that I am thankful for. I can’t really even explain why but I have never been so content and continuously joyful as I am right now. My life definitely isn’t perfect and I’m not living the dream yet. But I am just overwhelmingly happy with everything. I am so beyond blessed!

You know what else is good news: Jesus. You had to know this was coming. I started reading 1 Peter this week which is a book I’m not super familiar with. But I found this verse that I wanted to share. It’s not very long but it says so much in so few words. “Praise the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. According to His great mercy, He has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead and into an inheritance that is imperishable, uncorrupted, and unfading, kept in heaven for you.” (1 Peter 1: 3-4) If you have no other reason to be thankful, celebrate what Jesus did for you. He is our LIVING hope. Living. It’s still a thing. He didn’t just come and go and that was the end. He is living, currently. And not only did He give us a new purpose and life here on earth, but as believers we get to be a part of the party going on up in heaven after we die. We did nothing to deserve Christ’s sacrifice for us. And we really don’t deserve the gift that heaven is. But God gives it to us anyway!

So maybe try making a list and add one thing each day of something you are thankful for. Some days, it may be easier to come up with something than others. But try! Tell God what you are thankful for! If you need help getting started, today (October 25^th) is national greasy food day. I looked it up! So start by being thankful for deliciously unhealthy food, like pizza, and go from there. 

Single Pringle

Now, I realize this is a frequent topic of discussion for me. However, this is something that is brought up in my life very frequently and I kind of consider myself an expert in the area. It also might seem like I’m trying to low-key advocate for myself, but I promise, that’s not the goal. The goal is to encourage and support those in my similar situation. (Mom, don’t read this part) I also might be avoiding the homework I’m supposed to be doing that’s due tomorrow… But that’s why we have coffee #DDaddict

For those that don’t know every detail of my life, I live with the Rachel(e)s. And they are both two of my favorite people on the planet. They help me laugh when I am having a bad day. They listen to my rants. They keep me smiling on the good days. They are both smart and beautiful and motivated… And in love. Like marriage on the brain kind of in love. That’s something we do not all have in common. And I have been asked by several people “don’t you get lonely when they have their boyfriends/ fiancés over and you don’t have anybody?”

Here’s where there needs to be a lot of clarification. There is a major difference between being single and being lonely. For the vast majority of my life, I have been REAL single. But I am by no means lonely. The way I picture loneliness is as a sad, longing for something different kind of state. Loneliness happens when we start criticizing ourselves because we can’t figure out why people don’t want to date us. When I think of loneliness, I think of watching “The Notebook” while crying your eyes out and eating a half gallon of ice cream. So am I lonely? Oh for sure not!

Now, do I feel super single a lot? Totally! But that doesn’t mean I’m jealous of my friends that are in relationships. I don’t try to figure out what is wrong with me. It’s not hard for me to be happy for my friends who have found that person that they want to spend the rest of their lives with. I even get to go to a wedding this weekend to celebrate one of my friends who has. I never feel more single than when I am at a wedding. But not in a bad way! Instead, I get to go see two people who are crazy in love with each other commit to sharing their lives with each other, and I get hope and pray that one day, I will be that lucky.

But until that day comes, I get to share all of my love with so many other people. Everyone needs love! I’m not ready to let one person have so much of mine. I have too much fun investing it into my girls at church, the people I work with (although, most of the time that comes out as tough love), my family, my friends. The list goes on and on. I am so, so happy with my life right now. God continues to show me His love and His blessings in all of the little things.

So how are you feeling? Are you a single or a lonely person? I mean I guess you can technically be married and lonely. (I have no advice on that though other than relationships are worth the hard work. So invest in a bonding time vaca.) But maybe you are feeling real single and lonely. I’ve totally been there. I haven’t always radiated the “I don’t need no man” confidence that I have today. It’s taken a lot of time to understand how much God loves me and learning how to love myself. I’ve also significantly cut down on the number of romantic comedies I watch. That seems to help a lot.

This is an offer especially for my single ladies (now put your hands up… sorry couldn’t resist) but this really goes for anybody. But us single pringle chicas have to stick together! If you want a no strings attached date night, hollacha girl! We can go to your favorite restaurant and I’ll tell you how beautiful you look and just listen if that’s what you need. Sometimes, it’s nice having a reason to get dressed up. I’ll totally be that reason for you! Or if you just need someone to talk to you on your lonely days, feel free to text/ call me whenever. I’ll be that person too. Like I said, I got a lot of love to give out. Don’t be shy :)

2.0

I don’t normally post this late at night but I’m currently at the Catalyst Conference in Hot-lanta (which is basically like the adult version of Passion) and feeling super overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions so I just really needed to spit all of this out. (Also part of the reason I’m writing so late is because Morgan and I may have brilliantly locked ourselves out of our hotel room but that’s a whole other story!) So what you are about to read actually has nothing to do with what we have been talking about at Catalyst. It’s just something that was running through my mind during worship. I’m sure I will write about Catalyst soon but I gotta process it all first.

This is going to sound so stupid but I used to think that people who could sing hymns like a boss and lead exhilarating praise and worship were somehow doing it better than me. Like as if our singing ability was determined by how much God enjoyed our praise and worship. Yeah, I know it’s stupid. But it’s what I thought. I thought that if I worshipped hard enough, I would suddenly be able to sing like Carrie Underwood because God was going to glorify my worship by making it sound pitch perfect. And then that’s when I would know I was doing it right. If I sounded better one day than another, well I must be more in love with Jesus that day.

Or another example (just to show you the less attractive parts of my heart): sometimes I look at people like the speakers here at Catalyst and I think to myself “they must carry wisdom that I can never achieve. I mean I have this blog that some people read but obviously the way I see God isn’t perfect because I’m not talking to thousands about my version of Jesus.” That’s real selfish and prideful I know. But that’s sometimes how I feel.

Maybe at some point you have felt the same way. Maybe you feel like Christianity should make us into a better version of ourselves. And in a sense it does. But not in like the way iphones simply update all the time. No. Salvation deletes our “app” entirely and downloads Christ into our lives. It’s not that we become a 2.0 version of ourselves. We are literally supposed to become Christ.

I have just had to come to face the reality that I will never sound like a recording artist. Does that stop me from praising my heart out? No it sure doesn’t. I just let loose now. I may not even be singing notes in the song. I don’t care! I’m making a joyful noise to the Lord. Am I going to become a best-selling author one day? Not at the moment. (I mean first I would actually have to write a book.) But does that mean that I or you don’t understand having a relationship with Jesus as well as these pastors who lead conferences do? Definitely not!

Listen, if you don’t feel like you have anything to contribute to your church or your community because you don’t have golden pitch pipes or a great sermon with a well-organized power-point, then you have missed something big. We can’t all be Andy Stanleys and Judah Smiths. We can’t all be Chris Tomlin and David Crowders. If we were all up on stage doing our own version of what “ideal Christianity” looks like, who would be at your work telling people about Jesus? Who would be investing in the lives of your neighbors and those around you? I don’t know where your niche is. And honestly, I’m not always sure where mine is either. But the world does not need you to update and make a 2.0 version of yourself. It needs you to take on the heart and soul of Christ and just go. Go. Be. Love.

Embracing the Journey

You know that saying “there’s a light at the end of the tunnel”? It’s supposed to be a message of hope and inspiration that tells us if we keep going and keep pushing, one day we will work our way out of this dark, black hole we are in and finally be able to move on to bigger and better things. A lot of times also you will hear Christians say phrases like “I can’t wait to find out the next big thing God has planned for me”. We should be totally excited about the next phase in our lives because yes, God does have amazing things in store for all of us. But what if the journey was more important than the destination? What if we get so focused on the light at the end of the tunnel, we miss all of the things that fill the inside of it?

Looking at things from a Biblical perspective, the Israelites were terrible with this concept. Right now, I am reading through Deuteronomy and in the beginning Moses kind of gives a recap of all that has happened with the Israelites since they were slaves in Egypt. He reminds them of how miraculous (and honestly quite terrifying) their rescue from Egypt was. Now, Israel knew they were on their way to bigger and better things. I mean, they were slaves. It couldn’t get any worse than that. But it wasn’t long before the desert sun did a number on their brains because they actually started wishing they could go back to Egypt. Like that was better than their present circumstance. Basically they were saying “I mean like slavery wasn’t great. We got beat a lot and the work was really hard. But it was better than all of this sand.” It’s a good thing that I am not God because I would have just sent them back! They had literally lost so much patience for the journey to the promised land that they missed slavery! I know we have all exaggerated and said things we don’t really mean, but that’s insane. And because of their unwillingness to look at their current journey as a gift from God and trust His guidance, it took a really, really long time for them to get to their destination.

When they were finally going to be able to enter the land God had promised them, God started giving Moses all of these rules for how and when they were supposed to bring sacrifices to Him and even for what occasion they were to celebrate. God told them to have a special festival (aka the Passover) to celebrate when God brought them out of Egypt and to thank Him for what He did for them during their journey. After all, He did send food from the sky on a regular basis and had water come out of rocks. He had their journey under control. He wasn’t just letting them wonder aimlessly, hoping they would find the next big thing He had for them. He was there with them the whole time and was doing amazing things during that time! They just needed to be willing and able to stop and smell the cactus roses along the way.

I’m currently seeing this in my own life. (For those that don’t know) it is my dream and ultimate goal to become a pediatric physical therapist. And from right now, I have about 5 years before that becomes a reality. When I think about how far away that next step is, it kind of makes me want to throw up. That’s over 1,800 days of homework and tests and studying I still have left to do. I would love to just magically have my degree and start helping all of the little angels of the world like tomorrow. But that’s not how God works. He’s not some genie that will give me a diploma if I wish for it. God has my journey already mapped out. He knows where I am going to go and who I am going to meet along the way. He knows the challenges and obstacles I am going to face. And He also knows the small victories I am going to have along the way (like hopefully dominating physics this semester!) But my focus right now needs to be on the journey.

So where are you? Maybe you have just reached the light at the end. You’ve started an exciting new chapter of your life. That’s something worth celebrating! Go back and think about all of the ways God grew you during that time of waiting and searching. That’s what makes your journey unique. That’s what makes your journey yours. Or maybe you are in the middle of two major phases in your life. Yeah, it can be really frustrating to be in this limbo phase while you are trying to figure out your next step. But enjoy it! Look for the little miracles God is doing along the way. Notice the design inside the tunnel. You’ll appreciate the other side so much more if you don’t try sprinting through it.

Casting My Cares On Him

If you have talked to me at all in the past couple weeks, I have not been shy about the fact that I am feeling very overwhelmed with life right now. I try not to get stressed out a lot. But when I do, I like really do! And these past two weeks have been filled with tons of deadlines and emotional roller coasters. There were even times I felt physically sick because I was freaking out about life so much. What was the cause of all of my worry and stress? I’m so glad you asked J

This week officially began my journey as a Florida State Seminole. (YAY!) I was not really ever sure if FSU is where I would eventually end up. I always wanted to go there but I had never set my heart on it simply because I hadn’t decided what I wanted to major in! What if I picked something FSU didn’t offer? But I did, and now I get to work toward being a 2^nd generation Nole (SO to my mom). But figuring out what classes I need and balancing it with my work schedule was a lot for me to try to plan out. And then just when I thought I had decided on the perfect schedule, I got an email saying that I was signed up for a class I didn’t have the right prerequisites for. Great, now what am I going to do?!

Audrey, I need you to trust Me.

And if trying to pick out classes and times for college isn’t stressful enough, you also got to pay for them! I’m taking 14 credit hours this semester and if you know anything about how expensive college is, you can imagine how much money that is. My parents of course assured me they were here to help me. But I want to be independent. I want to be self-sufficient. I want to be an adult. I got a major heart check one Sunday when I thought I could tell God that He didn’t need my tithe money. I needed it… Then (not coincidentally) I read the verses where Jesus told His disciples and the Pharisees “Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s and give to God what is God’s”. I couldn’t ignore that! So I did it. But it was really hard.

Audrey, I need you to trust Me.

One of my best friends and my spiritual other half just got married in Denmark. (No, I didn’t get to go.) And not only that, she and her new husband are moving to Colorado this week! They didn’t ask my permission before they did that either! All joking aside, I really am so, so happy for them. I love them both so much and I think they are going to have the most amazing life together. But I’m really sad for me. Not just because she’s 25 hours away, but it brings up all of these other emotions. I want to find the most amazing guy that I can be best friends with and tolerate enough to consider spending the rest of my life with him. I want someone that will go on a life-long adventure with me to wherever, whenever.

Audrey, I need you to trust Me.

In case it went over your head, those fancy little italicized sentences are what I have been hearing from God over and over again. And you know what, He was right.

My school schedule hit a little bump in the road. But now with my new schedule, I am hopefully going to be able to shadow a physical therapist who works with kids (which is my dream!). That would not have been possible with my school schedule before.

School fees are due next week. I was waiting to pay them until I had gotten all of the paychecks I could. My most recent one was more than I was anticipating it to be! It wasn’t an accident though. I had just forgotten about how much overtime I had worked. But it was still a welcomed surprise!

Every once in a while, I have a “forever alone” pity party for myself, but I’m not alone! I have my family, my roommates, my friends, my girls at church. I’m basically dating Chick-fil-a (I spend most of my time there and try to look at least presentable when I go to work. So yes, we’re dating.) Besides, I’m not really sure with what free time I could really invest in a relationship right now anyway. I know God’s going to send me my Jesus-loving Prince Charming when we're both ready. And my life with him is going to be an adventure. But for right now, I really am okay with being a super awesome single pringle!

In addition to all of these things, I have been so strongly encouraged from my friends and family these past couple weeks. I’ve had people text me out of the blue asking how they could be praying for me. (When that happened, I cried. Like a lot.) Any time I start to get frustrated and start to think I can’t do this and I can’t handle it, there is someone always right there assuring me I can. So thank you, all of you, for your words of affirmation. I so appreciate having such wonderful people in my life. And above all, I am trying to trust God even when it feels like I’m losing at life. I’m obviously not perfect in that area yet. But I’m learning how much more enjoyable life can be when I cast my cares on Him.

When He Speaks

Have you ever been trying to tell someone a funny story but upon seeing how unamused they were, your response always is “Oh well, I guess you had to be there”? Have you ever tried to explain a feeling or sensation you have had and really can’t even find the words to accurate describe what it was like? It can be frustrating to be in those situations because you want someone else to be able to feel and experience what you did. We like to talk about and share crazy cool things that have happened to us. But sometimes it’s hard to find the words to make someone else understand what it was we have been through. Well, as if trying to tell about something in person isn’t hard enough, I’m going to try to describe an experience I had at church recently using this blog… So we’ll see how this goes.

I have been in church my whole life. I’m one of those people who was going to church even before I was born. And I love that that’s how my life has been. I know I’m so blessed! That doesn’t mean my relationship with Jesus has always been a walk in the park either. It’s had its ups and downs. I’ve had times I have doubted my faith. I understand the Bible is true. I know all of the right Sunday school answers. I am not new to things whole Christianity thing. That’s why when this happened the other week at church, it honestly kind of surprised me. I had never experienced anything like it before!

So this happened one Sunday during the worship part of the service. I honestly couldn’t really tell you what the song was that we were singing. But somewhere in the lyrics it was talking about the sacrifice that Jesus made for us on the cross. Then, all of a sudden I got these like weird chills that radiated all over my body. Not like ones that make my hair stand up because it was cold in the sanctuary. I mean like chills from the inside of me. And then I heard this voice say “Yes, this song is about me. I did that for you.” And I heard it over and over again as we continued to sing this song about Jesus being our salvation.

Now if you have never had an experience like this before, I know this sounds absolutely crazy. I promise I had plenty of sleep. I was in my right mind. In fact, it has happened again many, many times since then. And it honestly kind of freaks me out every time. But I know it is just the Spirit inside of me reminding me that these songs are more than just the words and the notes. It’s more than just the fancy lights and all of the people who came together for church that day. It’s about us declaring who Jesus is. And what He has done for us. And yeah, this might be one of those things that you have to experience for yourself to know what that’s like. I hope you do get to experience the voice of the Spirit inside of you guiding you and reminding you who it is you are worshipping. Because hearing that and feeling that makes me want to get up, dance, and praise the Lord with everything within me.

That’s the coolest thing about the God that I serve. He’s personal. And yes, sometimes that’s a scary thing because that means He knows more about me than I may really want Him too. But it’s also so wonderful that this God of the universe wants me to know He is with me. And He is listening to me. So He does things like whispers His truth to us at church. Or remind us of His constant love for Him on our bad days. I mean after all, He did create us. He wants us to be so sure of our relationship with Him that He will speak to us in unique ways, just at the moment we need Him to.

Too Scared To Serve

Have you ever done something that at first you weren’t super excited about? But then once you got there, you ended up having tons of fun? Like for me, every time my family would tell us we were going to go on a camping trip, I would be super against it at first. It’s too hot. There are bugs. I won’t get to have a lot of personal space. You get that super gross and sticky feeling (I can handle dirty but I DO NOT like being sticky). But every time we go I have so much fun! I just need someone to make me go out and do it.

Well, this past week was also an example of that. So a couple months ago, I was asked by the one of the children’s directors (shout out to my neighbor/ coolest boss ever Kara) to consider leading the missions rotation of Adventure Week. For those of you that don’t go Celebration, Adventure Week is our version of VBS. As many of you know, I went on a six month long mission trip last year and Kara and a couple others had decided I would be a great person to come and lead missions. There were a couple problems though. First, I was signed up to take classes over the summer and Adventure Week and school schedules don’t really go together. However, God had already taken care of that one. My summer class finished literally the week before Adventure Week. Second of all, when I told my sister and a couple other people that I had been asked to lead it, their responses were always “Oh yeah the missions rotation isn’t really the kids’ favorite”. Not really the most encouraging thing to hear! But I mean, it makes sense. The rest of Adventure Week is full of games and crafts and music. You can see how learning about what someone did in a different country wouldn’t really be anyone’s favorite part of that week.

My first reaction was to say no. Doing the missions for Adventure Week would mean having to yell over and control tons of kids while you try to teach them, which did not sound appealing at all (this is why people who love to and want to be teachers make no sense to me). But then to know from the beginning that kids weren’t really even excited about missions anyway totally scared me! What would make what I had to say any more fun or relatable than what the people who had lead in the past had to say? I did not feel equipped to do something like that.

But then one day I was listening to a sermon (is it still called a sermon even if they aren’t a pastor? Not that it matters) by Christine Caine and she was talking about being servants where we are asked, when we are asked. I knew leading missions would not be the most “glamourous” position during the week. I wouldn’t have a stage to speak to thousands on. I would have a room. Trying to yell over and keep the attention of 50+ kids at a time. But I knew I had been asked because someone believed I could do it. And I knew that this was something God had basically handed me to do. So I said yes.

And let me tell you, this past week at Adventure Week was so wonderful! I’m not going to lie, it was crazy exhausting! But it was so much fun to get to tell kids about my trip and show them pictures and videos of the places I went. Kids have such a desire to learn and explore so getting to see things and learn about places they have never been to is actually super cool for them. It took a lot of planning and creativity (2 things I am not very good at). But let me tell you, all of the positive feedback I got from the kids and even the leaders was so amazing! On the last day, I even had a little girl come up to me and tell me that now she wanted to be a missionary when she grew up! How awesome is that?!

The point is: be willing to let God use you where you are at. You may not have a microphone or a big fancy platform. You might have a room with like 10 people in it. Or even just 1 person that God has brought into your life so you can be a light to them. Take advantage of those moments because they are preparing you for when the big moments do come. There are no regrets when we let God use us. Only when we are too scared to trust Him when He gives us opportunities to serve Him.

You are not alone

Before you begin reading this, you should know a couple things. The first thing is that the things I blog about and the words I type on this page I do not consider my own. I don’t just sit down and decide when and about what I am going to blog about. Everything I share is things that I feel like God has placed on my heart. And I cannot tell you how rewarding and wonderful it is when I get to hear people tell me about how something I said related to them or connected to them. The second thing is God has pushed this so strongly on my heart today that I know one of you reading this needs to hear it. So don’t be shocked when you (whoever you are) reads this. Because God knew you needed to hear it. Maybe you’re ignoring Him because you think He doesn’t get it but He knew you would end up here. So He’s using me to get to you.

I’ve realized something over the past few days: growing up is not all fun and games like maybe we thought it would be when we were younger. Even in high school (when we thought we were adults but we definitely weren’t), the stuff that worried us were things like grades, being the best at our sport or in our band, making sure we could find the perfect prom dress and date. Problems that as adults we wish we had! Now it’s things like paying bills, making deadlines at work, managing relationships with our coworkers and maybe even our spouses, being there for family and friends going through some health issues that we don’t know all the answers to. Life is full of real deal scary stuff. Things that we can’t control. We wish we could, but we can’t. We don’t always have all the answers. Doctors don’t always have all the answers. Our friends don’t always have the answers. Our bosses don’t always have all the answers.

So we put our heads down and walk through the storms of life. Have you ever been hit by one of life’s tornados and while you are pushing through the winds and struggling just to stand, you look to the right and to the left and you think yourself “I am having to do this alone”? Have you ever had that thought? You can be surrounded by hundreds of people and still feel so alone. Because you look around and there is not a single person that can possible understand what you are going through. Maybe you have started isolating yourself from other people because you feel like no one can relate to the pain or stress or doubts you are dealing with. Maybe you have even started putting up a front around others because you don’t want them to know or ask what is wrong because then you have to talk about it and be open and vulnerable and that hurts even more. So you pretend like you have everything together and that life is great but really it’s not.

Now that you know I am talking to you, here’s what you need to know: you are not alone. There are bills that you don’t know how you are going to have the money for. (You are not alone.) Every time you see that person, they know just what to say to make you feel worse about yourself. (You are not alone.) Your insecurity is getting stronger and stronger but you try to hide it so no one will see your weakness. (You are not alone.) The diagnosis you or someone you love does not look good. (You are not alone.) You feel like no one is listening and that no one cares. (You are not alone.)

You are not alone. God has never left you. “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10) Yeah, you may have hit a bump in the road. That doesn’t mean God abandoned you. That doesn’t mean He doesn’t care. There is a constant battle going on for your heart and for your trust and for your soul. See the Devil wants you feel isolated. He wants you to feel unwanted. He wants you to feel unloved. You need to get those thoughts and those fears out of your head. You are treasured. You are loved. Unconditionally. You are strong. Because you have an army of angels surrounding you and a Heavenly Father who put His Spirit inside of you and He is fighting for you. And one day (and I know it doesn’t seem like this now) you will be able to look back from the other side with victory. And you are going to be able to share your story and touch so many others who don’t feel like anyone understands them. And you are going to make Satan regret ever trying to mess with you. Because God is going to use this hard time that you are going through in ways that are going to blow your mind! But until that day comes, wake up every day with the desire to fight. Fight for your self-esteem. Fight for your family. Fight for your health. Fight for your joy. Fight for your purpose.

So now you’re either one of two people: you are either currently in the fight or you know someone who is. If you are in the fight, find someone that can encourage you and pray for you and support you and love you. If you need someone but don’t know who, I’ll volunteer. You can send me a message or shoot me a text. Everything will be between you, me, and God. I would love to pray for you. And if you are the person that knows someone who is going through the fight, blow up their phone with encouragement. Attack them with hugs and love. Because I’m sure you have been through your own struggles and you know how it felt to know people were there for you. So be that for someone else.

You are not alone. 

Planning Our Future

(I would like to begin with a shout out to my soul sister Jordan because she suggested I share my thoughts on this topic.) The other night we were getting dinner and talking about growing up, looking for careers, future places we would like to live, and everything that goes with that. Because the reality is life is FULL of uncertainty and sometimes it requires that we make some major changes. Sometimes those can be really exciting and sometimes they can be super scary. (Honestly a lot of times, they seem to be both.) But how do we know that we are doing what God’s will is for our lives?

The Bible is packed with all sorts of wonderful verses of wisdom and encouragement, but there are no specific verses with our names in them telling us exactly who and where we are supposed to be in our lives. There is no chapter or verse with your name in it explaining God’s perfect plan for you. So how do we know when we are making the right decisions?

My mom’s rule always has been as long as it is not illegal or in direct contradiction with the Bible and we have really prayed about it, there’s nothing really to say if something is or isn’t God’s plan is for us. Because on the one hand yes, we do serve an all-powerful and all-knowing God and He knows us better than we know ourselves so of course He has a pretty good idea of where we are best fit in this world. But we also have the gift of free will. God wants us to explore the world around us and to seek to know ourselves and ultimately Him in a deep personal way. As long as you are not flat out disobeying God, you are free to make your own choices! (I mean you can choose to disobey God but I wouldn’t recommend that.) Now because He knows what is best for us, He does want us to seek His plan for us. Because that is where we will find our most joy and fulfillment. God gave us our specific list of gifts and abilities to help us find our niche but I believe we have the chance to figure out all the details on our own.

Let’s be for real: in a very literal sense, does the Bible say that it matters whether you live in Michigan or California? Um nope, at least in my Bible it doesn’t. Maybe your translation is different. Lemme tell you what mine says though. “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:19-20) Does God say that it maters whether you go to FSU or UF? No! (Actually, it does matter. Don’t go to UF.) But we are called to go be salt and light wherever we live. Wherever we work. With whomever we marry. With the way we act and the words we say and the things we do.

So of course, seek God and ask for His help when you are searching for the answers. Don’t think you can do life without Him. Because He will be quick to remind you that you can’t. But if you feel a peace about your decision, go for it! God’s not going to send you a DM with your life laid out for you. Strive to live your life in a way that honors Him. Use your talents to glorify Him. Surround yourself with people who can encourage you to make good decisions. And the rest will fall into place!

Not that Smart

So here’s something you probably already know and may not really want to be reminded of: you are not the smartest person in the world. Go ahead. Sit down. Take a moment if you need to come to terms with that. It’s a humbling statement to say out loud. Dropping your pride to admit that maybe there is someone else who knows more than you do can be scary. A lot of the time when people suggest what they think is best for us, we tend to get all defensive because we think we always know what’s the best for us. Sometimes we’re right and sometimes we’re not. What if there was someone who was so much smarter than we can possibly imagine? …Oh wait! There is.

How hard is it to believe that God really knows what is best for us? I mean, my goodness, He created the whole universe! Of course, He is smarter than we are! Our tiny, mushy brains cannot comprehend how big and massive He is. We can’t even begin to understand all the twists and turns in our story that have made us who we are and brought us to where we are. But God has seen every single twist 

and wind and bump in the road and has been there riding shotgun with us every step of the way.

See that’s what makes our lives so beautiful. The mystery of our lives is what makes them so wonderful. I mean, yeah there are definitely sometimes I wish I knew all the answers about my life. Where I am going to work one day. Who I am going to marry. Where I’m going to live. All of these things would be nice to know. Although, it could be very overwhelming. I mean, what if God told me that I was going to live in Canada? There are no sandy, Floridian beaches in Canada! That would really freak me out. Fortunately, God knows I can’t handle all of that information at once. So He lets me figure it out (with His guidance of course) and that’s when life becomes an exciting adventure.

We are a society that doesn’t like being told what we should do. We like to be our own boss. We like to explore and discover. We like to try to understand things that don’t make sense. The best news though is that we have the best tour guide in the universe on our side! Someone who wants us to succeed but also want us to ask for His help. Someone who lets us make our own choices but wants us to seek His will for our lives. We may not always know the right answers and we aren’t always going to make the right choices. But just know your #1 fan, supporter, best friend is right beside you waiting for you to ask Him to help you. He already knows the answers and He’s a lot smarter than you are. So trust Him.      

When We Fall Short

Have you ever had that moment when you thought to yourself in the words of Britney Spears “Oops I did it again”? (Not that I’m necessarily saying you should model your life after Britney Spears songs but you know what I mean.) That moment when you do the one thing that you told yourself you wouldn’t do again. You said you were going to eat better, but that chocolate bar kept calling your name. You said you weren’t going to go to that place, but you ended up there once again. You knew that person was not the best influence on you, but you don’t want to be seen as the loser who can’t hang out with them anymore. All of us have done something that we regret. Big or small. We all have something in our past we’re not extremely proud of.

I don’t know about you but I usually have the hardest time forgiving myself. I’m not saying that forgiving someone else is always a walk in the park. It can be extremely painful. And it can take a lot of time. But sometimes it’s easier than having to forgive yourself. We can make excuses for other people, justify what may have made them act a certain way. But with your own self, it’s a completely different story. You know better than to make those mistakes that you did. And when you do it over and over again, it can be hard to give yourself a chance to forgive yourself.

Luckily, there is someone who has already forgiven us for all the times we mess up. Past, present, and future. And yes of course I am talking about Jesus, someone who came and lived a perfect life and took on the shame and consequences meant for us. That does not mean we somehow got a pass to do whatever we want. Romans 6:1-2 says “What should we say then? Should we continue in sin so that grace may multiply? Absolutely not! How can we who died to sin still live in it?” By saying we have died to sin kind of means we have given up that part of us. So yes, we are going to mess up sometimes because we are imperfect humans, but we should always strive for our lives to resemble that of Christ.

There is also the other end. God wants us to recognize and repent of our sin, but that does not mean we have to sit and feel sorry forever about what we did. I believe guilt is not from God. Becoming aware of how we have messed up absolutely is! And that kind of awareness is what brings about a desire to change. But guilt, the feeling that you are a terrible person and neither God nor anyone else will be able to love you again because of what you have done, is not from Him. Besides, it’s not like you are the only person that has ever made a mistake. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23) God does not define us by the sin in our lives. He wouldn’t call us sons and daughters if He did. It’s okay to want to fix the wrong we may have done and yeah sometimes that recovery process can take a while. But getting stuck in the past and becoming consumed with guilt from the things you have done is not beneficial. Usually for me, feeling sorry for myself makes it harder to love on others because I become too consumed with myself.

We all have things in our lives that we wish we had done differently. Don’t let what has happened in your past take over your mind and your life. Every morning could mark the day you start to make some positive and lifelong changes. You’re never too far away from grace. God will never stop loving you. He doesn’t want you to be a broken soul overcome with defeat. Jesus already has the victory. It’s time to pick yourself up and act like you believe that you are forgiven. That you are loved. Because trust me, you definitely are! 

Am I Too Picky

To be honest, I’m not really sure why I am writing this blog post. This has just been an idea that has been bouncing around my head for a couple days. Maybe because someone who reads this (maybe you) needs to hear this or just because I really do love writing these and I haven’t for a while and this is an area I’m an expert in and have nothing else to write about. Either way, you have apparently decided that this is worth reading so here we go!

The inspiration for this one came from a conversation I had at work a week or two ago. For some reason, my love life (and by love life I mean my gift of not having one) came up. I got asked about when the last time I went on a date and when I said I haven’t been on one since like all the cool kids had Razors, this guy said “Well maybe you’re just too picky.” And in that instant, I pictured my dad saying “Um she better be! Her mom and I raised her to be that way” Which is what got me thinking: when did being picky become a bad thing?

You know that saying “it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all”. What idiot said that?! The entertainment business tries to tell us this too. There are so many movies and even songs about flings that had to end because of the end of the summer and the idea that if only you could have one night together, that would make the rest of your existence bearable because at least you got to love them once. We’ve somehow not only made love gross and romantic but we’ve somehow been able to romanticize the breakup too. THAT’S INSANE!

Break ups and lost love is not fun. It’s lonely. And it hurts. Crying yourself to sleep at night is not somehow tragically beautiful. It’s isolating because you know there is not a person in the world who knows how hard it is. Then you wake up in the morning and try to put your best happy face on and accept that this is your reality. And they aren’t somehow empowering either. It doesn’t matter how long you dated, you will at some point wonder what if you had done it differently and it had worked out. And who really wants to be someone’s rebound?! Because there have been movies about that too. That definitely is not the ideal because even if it seems fun at first, eventually all of the emotions you put off dealing with from your break up will come back to haunt you. Then what?  

I have had people tell me that my confidence in my single-ness is inspiring. To be honest, a lot of reason for that is my lack of offers. This is not a secret suggestion that I want more. The idea of a date like actually terrifies me. At work, I can be all sorts of bubbly and happy with customers but as soon as someone rolls up who I find even mildly attractive, it’s like I forget how to speak words and run away like an awkward gazelle. And I’m okay with that! Because whoever can see past all of that, well they must be the keeper! But I have come to realize that being single is not a bad thing. For one thing, I don’t have to buy yet another person a Christmas present. But it also gives me time to invest in people I may not be able to if I was dating someone. Besides, one thing I know about myself is I tend to get emotionally attached to people and just casually dating someone isn’t really an option for me. My mind goes from 0-100 in seconds. (Example: Let’s say a cute guy holds the door for me at like school. Before I can even say thank you, I’ve already named our first 2 kids and our dog and planned our first family vacation to Disney… Now you see my problem)

All of this to say, that yeah I am confident in who I am. I love being the girl best friend anyway! (Mainly because I don’t have to dress up for dates. I’ll just help you land some dates with the other ladies! ;) ) Besides, one day I hope to find a guy best friend that I like being around so much that I’ll consider making our next hang out sesh into a date. It may happen tomorrow or it may not happen for 3 years. Either way, I WILL be picky. Maybe it’s time for you to consider being picky or just even take a break from dating and learn how awesome you are! (If you need lessons on how to be too awkward for love, I’ll be happy to teach you)

So What's Missing?

Do you ever feel like your relationship with God is kind of at a stand-still? Like there was a time when worship flowed out of your heart, going to church actually felt like a blessing, and spending time with God seemed easy and natural. But maybe now, the worship songs have just become words. Church just keeps you from sleeping in on Sundays. And sitting alone in the presence of God seems impossible. If you have ever felt that way, don’t worry. You’re not the only one, I promise. I can say that because I’ve been there. So what was it that you had before that is no longer there?

This morning in Sunday School, we were watching the video from when Christine Caine spoke at Passion this year. (And if you don’t know who Christine Caine is, look her up.) Anyway, she was reading from Joshua 1 when Israel had finished taking their little field trip in the desert and were about to enter the Promised Land when she asked this question: “how many of us are living like we have been delivered and not like we are free?” God had delivered Israel from Egypt, but they weren’t living like they were free. They weren’t even out of Egypt for that long before they began complaining about not having everything they had in Egypt now that they were in the desert. They were slaves in Egypt and suddenly that seemed more appealing than where they were. You might say that sounds insane but how many times have you fallen back into insecurity or addiction or jealousy or hate or your own version of slavery?

Maybe that happens because for whatever reason falling back into that seems comfortable. But if you really tried to explain to someone why it feels that way, they would think you were as crazy as those Israelites. But it’s true! We can convince ourselves sometimes that living a life of slavery is better than living a life of freedom. The Israelites had no idea what to expect in this new land they were going to. None of them had ever been anything but a slave before. To be fair, they didn’t know what they were missing out on. But following Moses into the freedom God had waiting for them seemed terrifying! They wanted to be back into that routine of working that was so familiar to them. I mean sure they were taking orders from people in Egypt but it had to be better than walking around a desert with no idea where they were going, right?

In Isaiah 5, there’s I guess what you would consider the Old Testament version of a parable of a man that owns a vineyard. He got the best soil for it. He plowed it like he supposed to. He gave it all of the water and care it needed. He looked after it because he wanted it to succeed. But he was disappointed when the grapes were not big and beautiful but shriveled and unappealing. In case you were confused, God is the vineyard owner and we are the vines (a theme that also comes up in the New Testament. Coincidence? I don’t think so!) He can give us all of the things we could possibly need. He can show us all of the love and care that we can possibly absorb. But when it comes down to it, we have to decide the fruit we are going to show. Are we going to look like people who belong to Him so when people see us they know we are His? Or are we going to look like we have no idea who has been taking care of us?

So what is keeping you from living like you have been set free? What fears are keeping you from stepping out and being able to dance in the freedom of what Christ has done for you? We should be exploding with overwhelming joy when we talk about our God. We should be able to run marathons because all of the weight of guilt and shame has been lifted from us. Deliverance from our sin is one thing. And it’s a great thing! That’s why Jesus came and died for us. We don’t have to do anything except ask to be delivered from our sin. But we can’t fully enjoy the blessings that come with it until we can take that step into freedom. And yeah, maybe it means removing all of that stuff that we have grown accustomed to in our lives and just trusting God. But wouldn’t it be fun to let Him take you on an adventure into the Promised Land He has just for you?

Blood, guts, and glory

Brace yourself. I’m about to hit you with some Old Testament. And not just any Old Testament. Today’s inspiration came from the book of Leviticus. Now, if you are somewhat new to Christianity and just getting into and excited about reading the Bible, the book of Leviticus may not be the best place to start. Not that any of the Bible is more special or more true than another part but it’s honestly a hard book to get into. If you aren’t familiar with Leviticus, it is a whole book of the Bible written to the priests and spiritual leaders who were from the tribe of Levi (which is where Leviticus came from. Clever right?). It goes over what types of sacrifices need to be brought, when they need to be brought, how often, and how to properly perform these sacrifices.

Reading Leviticus has made me very thankful that I live on this side of the cross. Old Testament sacrifices were either animals like cows or sheep or it could like grains and spices. It all depended on the sin that had been committed and the type of sacrifice necessary to cleanse it. As I’ve been reading through all of this, for some reason I just keep imagining the smell. The sacrifice was used to symbolically wash away the sin in someone’s life but that doesn’t mean it smelt good! There were still blood and body parts. Some of it was burned in the temple, some was saved for the priests to eat, and the really gross parts (I’ll just let you use your imagination to figure out which parts those were) were taken outside of the city and burned away from the temple. The actual sacrifice taking place would have a completely overwhelming experience.

But something specific that stuck out to me today was when I was reading about Moses ordaining Aaron and his sons. (This is found in Leviticus 8 in case you were curious). So the ordination of the priests was a multi-step process. There were several sacrifices that were made to make everything including the clothes that they would be wearing ready to serve in God’s temple. One of things Moses did was take the blood of the ram sacrifice and rub some on Aaron’s right ear, the thumb of his right foot, and the big toe of his right foot. Now at first I kind of just read over it and was like “hm that’s interesting.” But then I stopped and read it again and realized God has a reason for everything so why those 3 places? So I’m not at all saying I know why God chose those places but this is how I interpreted it.

Aaron and his sons were about to take up the responsibility of serving God for their whole lives, which is what we should be doing as believers. Our jobs just look a bit different. But in order to be able to live our lives for God, we first have to be able to HEAR what He is telling us. God can speak to us through His word or through the small voice in our hearts when we pray to Him and are seeking for answers. But we need to be tuned in and listening for Him. Second, I think putting the blood on the thumb (or the hand in general) is significant because a lot of time we think of our hands being associated with our WORK. We need to conduct ourselves at work in an honest and uplifting way. We should always be working towards understanding God’s purpose and design for us and how we can use our talents and gifts to bring Him honor and glory. Finally, we need to constantly be WALKING with the Lord. The Bible talks about us keeping in step with Spirit. Our feet take us where we are whether it’s church or the bar. We are responsible for the places we take ourselves. But when we follow God, He will guide us to exactly where He wants us to be.

God loves you. I love you. Go live a life without fear.    

Happy Birthday Sprouts!

Well everyone, in 2 days it will have been a year since I got my sprouts! In case you don’t know the whole story, this time last year I was in Jamaica on my mission trip and had the craziest experience… I got to spend 2 exciting nights in a Jamaican hospital. Long story short, we were having church outside in like a tent and one of the light poles fell right on top of my skull. So a couple skull fractures, 5 stitches, and 2 nights later, I got to leave the hospital with a neck brace and a little bald spot where my sprouts are now growing. (If you want the full story, you can check out my blog from when it all happened called “Struck down but not destroyed” or ask me about it! It’s kind of a fun story to tell.)

Looking back now, I would definitely define that as the catalyst for where I am today in my walk with God. It started really the first night when Amy and Tiff (love my girls!) had to leave me in the hospital. Never before in my life had I been so alone. Not just I felt alone and like no one would understand. But physically by myself in this giant hospital with all of these gross sick people coughing up stuff everywhere. I was terrified! I just laid there and prayed. I prayed for strength, understanding, peace, and healing. I didn’t really know what the healing process would look like. I didn’t know what the next day was going to look like. I didn’t even know who to ask for help if I needed to go to the bathroom. God was the only person I knew that could hear me in that bed. I just remember praying and thinking “God, my mom doesn’t even know that I am here”. And then I heard super audibly, “Yes she does.” If you haven’t heard the voice of God that must sound completely crazy but I did that night. And you know the craziest part? When I did call my mom the next day, she told me she had had this super strong feeling to pray for me that day even though she didn’t really know why. She did know I needed her prayer!

I also got to see God at work in my interactions with the hospital staff while I was there. I had lots of doctors and nurses stop to ask me why I was there. Partly because of the giant plastic collar I had on my neck and partly because it was usual to see an American in the ward like I was. Over and over again, I got to tell people, “I was at church and this pole fell on my head but God saved my life!” And I could say it with a smile on my face! Because it wasn’t just one of those things I was saying because I was supposed to. I really believed it!

It might be confusing to you that I can still praise God even though I could blame Him for what happened. But first, God is not the source of pain and suffering. God allows it but He does not cause it. And He does not give us anything we can’t handle. God knew I trusted Him enough to get me through that whole experience. He gave me teammates that prayed for me and took care of me. (Special shout out to Tiffany for being my nurse while I was healing!) They made sure I didn’t push myself too hard and that I had all of the love I needed while I got better. He gave me amazing friends at home who I know prayed for my quick recovery and who sent me love and support over Facebook. He gave me parents and family who were obviously concerned for my health and safety but who didn’t completely lose it! Even when I decided to stay! There are definitely parents who would have demanded I be on the next plane home but mine didn’t. They also trusted God enough to let Him take care of me. And He did! And the remainder of my trip was so wonderful! So yes, it is one of my favorite stories because it is definitely something about me that makes me unique. But also because that whole experience brought me closer to God than I ever had been!

And remember: God loves you. I love you. Go live a life without fear :)

Good Is Not An Adjective

This past weekend I had the pleasure of being a part of DNOW weekend at my church. If you are unfamiliar with DNOW: it’s a weekend for the middle and high school students to just spend time hanging out with God and their friends. There’s a lot of reflection as well as lots of love and laughter! I’ve been a leader for DNOW every year since I graduated high school (well except for last year when I was inconveniently out of the country…) and I love it! Anyway, all of that to say that there was one point one of our speakers made this weekend that just really stuck out to me. Hopefully, this makes sense to you. It’s a new concept for me and I don’t really know how to best put it into words.

His point came from the story of the rich, young ruler who approached Jesus and asked him “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” (Luke 18:18) To which Jesus replies “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone.” (Luke 18:19) Now I’ve heard this story my whole life but usually, we just skip over those 2 verses and focus in on the part of the story when Jesus asks the ruler to give up everything and follow Him and the ruler can’t do it. But these 2 verses hold some super solid Biblical truth.

The word “good” is used to describe something that we should be proud of: good job or good work or wow you’re so good at that. If you have grown up anywhere near a church, you have probably heard the phrase “God is good” more times than you can count. Usually it comes up whenever there has been some hardship or a trial we don’t understand. It follows something like “Well you know I have been really worried about where we are going to get the money for (fill in the blank) but you know God is good and He will provide a way”. Does God really need our confirmation that He is good? Does He really need us to describe His actions as a job well done?

What if instead good was not a way of describing His actions or decisions but was used to describe Him? As our speaker put it: “Good is not a state of being, it is a person.” Yes, God is good. But not because of the choices He makes or the things He excels at, He just is! He never stops being good. It’s not a passing thing. He always is!

And here’s where you come in: don’t you think a person who by definition is GOOD would make any mistakes when He put you together? Do you think the fact He gave you the laugh He did and painted your eyes that color is a good thing? Something that when He looks at you He is proud of? We are made in God’s image so when we look at ourselves, we should see His goodness pouring out of us. God created the world and saw that it was good! It was good because it was His creation, something He intentionally pieced together to glorify Him. So yeah, you may not be “good” at talking to people or always “good” at loving those that are hard to, but you have been made by a Creator that by definition is. Let the goodness of God show itself through you. Celebrate God and His goodness!

God loves you. I love you. Go live a life without fear.  

When Food Became Bae

I started this blog originally to give updates about the mission trip I went on this past year (sometimes I can’t believe I actually did that) and I realized that I really enjoy writing these posts! So these ones I write now might be about cool things that I have seen and experienced or things that have just been on my mind, sprinkled with some spiritual truth. Hopefully if you take the time to read this, you will be encouraged to hear that you are not the only person dealing with certain issues. We all got them!

So when I left for my trip, I thought I was going to come back a total babe. You can laugh but think about it: the Caribbean has generated some gorgeous and well-toned people. Plus, I knew I was not going to be eating fast food all the time so I thought that this trip would be doing my body a favor. Like the coconut water would be the source of the fountain of youth. I knew I would be spending lots of time outside but I knew I would not magically come back with beautiful caramel skin. I’m not that stupid!

I realized this was not going to be the case after one of the first nights we ate dinner at our house in Haiti. My 2 roommates, our translator, and I were fed more spaghetti than my family of 7 would probably eat in one sitting. And because of the culture, we knew it had to be gone. I remember the 3 of us just laying on our bed after dinner fully aware that if we sneezed or coughed, spaghetti was going to come out of every pore in our body. And that’s how we ate for the following months. Sometimes it was spaghetti, other times it was rice and beans, potatoes, or just plain boiled plantains. (Now when I try to eat this stuff, my body really struggles with it. Probably because I maxed out on the amount of starch I can consume in my lifetime.)

When I returned home, I could tell I was a little thicker but I was shocked when I stepped on a scale and saw how much more. It honestly freaked me out! And it didn’t make it any better that I began to deal with my emotions by eating all of this comfort food I somehow convinced myself I had been deprived of. It wasn’t until we were reading this book in Bible study called “gods at war” by Kyle Idleman (totally recommend it!) and he brought up how food can be a god that I realized the place I was in. It was kind of humiliating to admit that. I knew that I needed to run to God when things got hard and not Steak n Shake. Don’t be confused: having the complete opposite problem is just as dangerous too! God gave us food with all of these delicious flavors for us to enjoy and to enjoy with other people. So don’t go crazy with eating 12 Big Macs and don’t deny yourself the pleasure of a couple cookies sometimes. And have dinner with your family and friends every once in a while. You gotta eat anyway so you might as well be laughing while you do it!

After I realized what was going on, I decided to do a one day fast and pray that God would remind me to put the struggle of transitioning back into America and the worries of what lies ahead on Him. So naturally I dreamed about doughnuts the night before… But even just that one day was enough for me to realize that I needed God more than I needed those doughnuts. And no matter how much I weigh or how few of my clothes fit right, He still loves every part of me. I hope you understand how precious you are to Him. And how He sees more than the color of your skin or the shape of your face. He sees the beauty of your heart. He sees the talents and gift He gave to you. And He wants you to be confident in who you are in Him so you can share that wonderful smile of yours with the people in your life who need it.

PS. This weekend is the DNOW weekend for our church for the middle and high school students. So please pray that God would use this weekend to remind them of how much He loves them and that they will be pumped to finish up this school year with Him right next to them!

And never forget: God loves you. I love you. Go live a life without fear. 

Uh-Oh, it's Valentine's Day

Valentine’s Day. February 14^th. Either the most romantic or the loneliest day of the year. Either you will be spending it going to a nice dinner and being all snuggly with your significant other. Or you will be eating your weight in ice cream watching every episode of Grey’s Anatomy on Netflix. Whichever way you spend Valentine’s Day, you have to admit it’s a weird holiday. It’s amazing how one random day in February can make us feel so strongly about life and love.

I will admit that Valentine’s Day and couples in general freak me out. Walking into Walmart and being blinded by all the hot pink hearts everywhere is an overwhelming experience. I’m totally in favor of a holiday that results in tons of half price candy the day after! That’s the single girls dream! I also don’t understand (and this may be the super single part of me) how being in a relationship can totally change people. I mean one minute you are a normal human being, going through this daily struggle of life, and the next thing you know, you start to smell colors and singing with butterflies because all the love you feel is just spilling out of you. Just between you and me: you seem like a crazy person! How can another person totally transform your outlook about life?! I don’t get it!

So although this blog will have truth for everyone, this one is really gunna speak to all my fellow single and ready to mingle friends: if you let your lack of a Valentine totally affect the way you see yourself, you are as cracked out as all of these weridos in love with each other! You are strong and precious and wonderfully designed and LOVED! And if you don’t believe me, you should look at that handy dandy Bible of yours because it says it all right there. God knit you in your mother’s womb and you are wonderfully made with a purpose. The Creator of the Universe (that’s right, the whole universe) loves you! He sent His Son to die for you which in my perspective is the most amazing Valentine’s Day gift the world has ever received. Just because you can’t snag a date, doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It just means the right person hasn’t showed up yet.

So whether you have your very own cuddle buddy this Valentine’s Day or you are just rocking it by yourself, try loving like Jesus this Valentine’s Day. Look for someone that you work with that needs your love and surprise them with coffee or take them to lunch. If you have that one coworker that drives you crazy all the time, look for a way to compliment them. Write a letter to a relative that you know has been going through a hard time. Whatever you decide to do, instead of being sad that you are not the recipient of any special love this Valentine’s, look for ways to be love to someone else. (And then go and buy all that half price goodness on the 15^th) ;)   

Live. Your. Mission.

This January marks a year since I started Immersion and went on the most exciting, frustrating, and unpredictable journey of my life. Like these teams that are leaving now (by the way, add them to your prayers), we had no idea what we were getting into. I’ve never been with a group of strangers with whom I have laughed harder, prayed stronger, lived life fuller, and loved more than my 12 plus or minus team. And even though there are some of them that I don’t really keep in contact with, they are always in my thoughts. We went through some crazy stuff together. But we all made it out alive and that’s what really counts!

Experience Mission has the phrase “live your mission” as kind of like their motto. The dictionary defines mission as “a task or job someone is given to do”. To me, a mission is something you are willing to do whatever it takes and sacrifice whatever you must to accomplish it. If your mission is to be the most successful, then you are probably going to sacrifice time with those you love and miss out on a lot of the little things because you keep looking ahead. If your mission is to be the most popular, you might have to sacrifice some of your interests that not everyone thinks are cool. If your mission is to get the best grades, you are going to have to sacrifice a lot of sleep.

Recently I have been thinking about what Immersion 2015 meant for me and how it has changed me. Not all the ways are obvious like I maybe thought they would be. I still can only speak English. My diet hasn’t changed because of it (I will probably never consume as many plantations and pounds of rice and beans as I did during those six months). I don’t physically look different (well except for the scar and dent I have in my head. But thankfully you can’t really see that). I’m still me. I still enjoy the same kind of music and movies. I am still obsessed with Dunkin and will never fully understand anyone who isn’t. I still love my Seminoles. I’m just as awkward. Hanging out in the Caribbean for six months didn’t make me any cooler. The biggest change is the one you can’t see.  

My mission has changed since I went on Immersion. Making a ton of money has never really been a big motivator for me. I’ve realized that I don’t have to be popular to feel loved. School is obviously super important for me but not THE most important. In fact, before this trip, I didn’t even really have a mission. I didn’t know what I wanted out of life. But I realize now, that was because a pretty crucial piece was missing. God can’t just be a small part of our mission. He needs to be the center of our mission. He needs to be the focal point of all of the decisions we make. I’ve chosen to pursue a career in physical therapy for two reasons: one because I love God and I have prayed and trusted that He will lead me in the direction He wants me to. And second because I want to love people. I want to help give someone strength back in their leg but also strengthen their self-worth by showing them the love of Christ. I want to show people that walking again is possible. And with God, all things are possible.

So what is your mission? Is God the center of it? If He isn’t or you don’t have one, maybe you should consider a break in the Caribbean for six months. It might change your perspective.