Spreading Some Sunshine

For anyone keeping track (which is probably nobody, which is fine because I have), this is the 3^rd post I’ve written this month. Normally they are more spread out than this, but I just have so many thoughts I want to share! It’s no secret that the world today is full of a lot of messed up stuff. There’s so much tension and hurting and sadness. And if you know me at all, I try to focus on the good stuff. Especially as we move toward Thanksgiving and all of the other major upcoming holidays, I think it’s super important for us to think about the good things in our lives and the things to be thankful for. So here’s my list:

I’m not failing school yet! I was sure that between working as much as I need to and all of the hours I am taking I would be behind. But not right now! I mean there are some nights that I get less than the ideal amount of sleep, but that’s what coffee for. (I’m super thankful for coffee!) Also, for a while there was some confusion and delay about me receiving my bright futures scholarship for this semester. But I got it last week! Talk about a major stress relief! I literally did a dance when I saw it was in my bank account.

Today is my best friend’s birthday! So even though I’m spending most of my day doing homework and working, I’m still crazy thankful for her. She has been there for everything. And even though we have been friends for over 7 years now, we’ve only had a fight once. And it was the most awkward 5 minutes of our friendship (yes, literally it only lasted 5 minutes).

In 138 days, I get to go spend my spring break with my soul sister and her new husband! *cue overwhelming amount of tears of joy* She’s my first friend to get married and move away which has been really hard but I know she’s happy and that makes me so, so happy. I can’t wait to attack her with all of my built up hugs and love for her.

A couple weeks ago, I got to go to a wedding for someone that was on my mission trip. I love weddings! And I love that I got to meet my #1 snapchat friend on my trip and I got to see her start her forever with her wonderful husband. And in 221 days, I get to go to another wedding for someone I met on my trip. I don’t like that both of them don’t live in the same state as me but I like reasons to travel!

There are so many other things I could write about that I am thankful for. I can’t really even explain why but I have never been so content and continuously joyful as I am right now. My life definitely isn’t perfect and I’m not living the dream yet. But I am just overwhelmingly happy with everything. I am so beyond blessed!

You know what else is good news: Jesus. You had to know this was coming. I started reading 1 Peter this week which is a book I’m not super familiar with. But I found this verse that I wanted to share. It’s not very long but it says so much in so few words. “Praise the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. According to His great mercy, He has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead and into an inheritance that is imperishable, uncorrupted, and unfading, kept in heaven for you.” (1 Peter 1: 3-4) If you have no other reason to be thankful, celebrate what Jesus did for you. He is our LIVING hope. Living. It’s still a thing. He didn’t just come and go and that was the end. He is living, currently. And not only did He give us a new purpose and life here on earth, but as believers we get to be a part of the party going on up in heaven after we die. We did nothing to deserve Christ’s sacrifice for us. And we really don’t deserve the gift that heaven is. But God gives it to us anyway!

So maybe try making a list and add one thing each day of something you are thankful for. Some days, it may be easier to come up with something than others. But try! Tell God what you are thankful for! If you need help getting started, today (October 25^th) is national greasy food day. I looked it up! So start by being thankful for deliciously unhealthy food, like pizza, and go from there. 

Single Pringle

Now, I realize this is a frequent topic of discussion for me. However, this is something that is brought up in my life very frequently and I kind of consider myself an expert in the area. It also might seem like I’m trying to low-key advocate for myself, but I promise, that’s not the goal. The goal is to encourage and support those in my similar situation. (Mom, don’t read this part) I also might be avoiding the homework I’m supposed to be doing that’s due tomorrow… But that’s why we have coffee #DDaddict

For those that don’t know every detail of my life, I live with the Rachel(e)s. And they are both two of my favorite people on the planet. They help me laugh when I am having a bad day. They listen to my rants. They keep me smiling on the good days. They are both smart and beautiful and motivated… And in love. Like marriage on the brain kind of in love. That’s something we do not all have in common. And I have been asked by several people “don’t you get lonely when they have their boyfriends/ fiancés over and you don’t have anybody?”

Here’s where there needs to be a lot of clarification. There is a major difference between being single and being lonely. For the vast majority of my life, I have been REAL single. But I am by no means lonely. The way I picture loneliness is as a sad, longing for something different kind of state. Loneliness happens when we start criticizing ourselves because we can’t figure out why people don’t want to date us. When I think of loneliness, I think of watching “The Notebook” while crying your eyes out and eating a half gallon of ice cream. So am I lonely? Oh for sure not!

Now, do I feel super single a lot? Totally! But that doesn’t mean I’m jealous of my friends that are in relationships. I don’t try to figure out what is wrong with me. It’s not hard for me to be happy for my friends who have found that person that they want to spend the rest of their lives with. I even get to go to a wedding this weekend to celebrate one of my friends who has. I never feel more single than when I am at a wedding. But not in a bad way! Instead, I get to go see two people who are crazy in love with each other commit to sharing their lives with each other, and I get hope and pray that one day, I will be that lucky.

But until that day comes, I get to share all of my love with so many other people. Everyone needs love! I’m not ready to let one person have so much of mine. I have too much fun investing it into my girls at church, the people I work with (although, most of the time that comes out as tough love), my family, my friends. The list goes on and on. I am so, so happy with my life right now. God continues to show me His love and His blessings in all of the little things.

So how are you feeling? Are you a single or a lonely person? I mean I guess you can technically be married and lonely. (I have no advice on that though other than relationships are worth the hard work. So invest in a bonding time vaca.) But maybe you are feeling real single and lonely. I’ve totally been there. I haven’t always radiated the “I don’t need no man” confidence that I have today. It’s taken a lot of time to understand how much God loves me and learning how to love myself. I’ve also significantly cut down on the number of romantic comedies I watch. That seems to help a lot.

This is an offer especially for my single ladies (now put your hands up… sorry couldn’t resist) but this really goes for anybody. But us single pringle chicas have to stick together! If you want a no strings attached date night, hollacha girl! We can go to your favorite restaurant and I’ll tell you how beautiful you look and just listen if that’s what you need. Sometimes, it’s nice having a reason to get dressed up. I’ll totally be that reason for you! Or if you just need someone to talk to you on your lonely days, feel free to text/ call me whenever. I’ll be that person too. Like I said, I got a lot of love to give out. Don’t be shy :)

2.0

I don’t normally post this late at night but I’m currently at the Catalyst Conference in Hot-lanta (which is basically like the adult version of Passion) and feeling super overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions so I just really needed to spit all of this out. (Also part of the reason I’m writing so late is because Morgan and I may have brilliantly locked ourselves out of our hotel room but that’s a whole other story!) So what you are about to read actually has nothing to do with what we have been talking about at Catalyst. It’s just something that was running through my mind during worship. I’m sure I will write about Catalyst soon but I gotta process it all first.

This is going to sound so stupid but I used to think that people who could sing hymns like a boss and lead exhilarating praise and worship were somehow doing it better than me. Like as if our singing ability was determined by how much God enjoyed our praise and worship. Yeah, I know it’s stupid. But it’s what I thought. I thought that if I worshipped hard enough, I would suddenly be able to sing like Carrie Underwood because God was going to glorify my worship by making it sound pitch perfect. And then that’s when I would know I was doing it right. If I sounded better one day than another, well I must be more in love with Jesus that day.

Or another example (just to show you the less attractive parts of my heart): sometimes I look at people like the speakers here at Catalyst and I think to myself “they must carry wisdom that I can never achieve. I mean I have this blog that some people read but obviously the way I see God isn’t perfect because I’m not talking to thousands about my version of Jesus.” That’s real selfish and prideful I know. But that’s sometimes how I feel.

Maybe at some point you have felt the same way. Maybe you feel like Christianity should make us into a better version of ourselves. And in a sense it does. But not in like the way iphones simply update all the time. No. Salvation deletes our “app” entirely and downloads Christ into our lives. It’s not that we become a 2.0 version of ourselves. We are literally supposed to become Christ.

I have just had to come to face the reality that I will never sound like a recording artist. Does that stop me from praising my heart out? No it sure doesn’t. I just let loose now. I may not even be singing notes in the song. I don’t care! I’m making a joyful noise to the Lord. Am I going to become a best-selling author one day? Not at the moment. (I mean first I would actually have to write a book.) But does that mean that I or you don’t understand having a relationship with Jesus as well as these pastors who lead conferences do? Definitely not!

Listen, if you don’t feel like you have anything to contribute to your church or your community because you don’t have golden pitch pipes or a great sermon with a well-organized power-point, then you have missed something big. We can’t all be Andy Stanleys and Judah Smiths. We can’t all be Chris Tomlin and David Crowders. If we were all up on stage doing our own version of what “ideal Christianity” looks like, who would be at your work telling people about Jesus? Who would be investing in the lives of your neighbors and those around you? I don’t know where your niche is. And honestly, I’m not always sure where mine is either. But the world does not need you to update and make a 2.0 version of yourself. It needs you to take on the heart and soul of Christ and just go. Go. Be. Love.

Embracing the Journey

You know that saying “there’s a light at the end of the tunnel”? It’s supposed to be a message of hope and inspiration that tells us if we keep going and keep pushing, one day we will work our way out of this dark, black hole we are in and finally be able to move on to bigger and better things. A lot of times also you will hear Christians say phrases like “I can’t wait to find out the next big thing God has planned for me”. We should be totally excited about the next phase in our lives because yes, God does have amazing things in store for all of us. But what if the journey was more important than the destination? What if we get so focused on the light at the end of the tunnel, we miss all of the things that fill the inside of it?

Looking at things from a Biblical perspective, the Israelites were terrible with this concept. Right now, I am reading through Deuteronomy and in the beginning Moses kind of gives a recap of all that has happened with the Israelites since they were slaves in Egypt. He reminds them of how miraculous (and honestly quite terrifying) their rescue from Egypt was. Now, Israel knew they were on their way to bigger and better things. I mean, they were slaves. It couldn’t get any worse than that. But it wasn’t long before the desert sun did a number on their brains because they actually started wishing they could go back to Egypt. Like that was better than their present circumstance. Basically they were saying “I mean like slavery wasn’t great. We got beat a lot and the work was really hard. But it was better than all of this sand.” It’s a good thing that I am not God because I would have just sent them back! They had literally lost so much patience for the journey to the promised land that they missed slavery! I know we have all exaggerated and said things we don’t really mean, but that’s insane. And because of their unwillingness to look at their current journey as a gift from God and trust His guidance, it took a really, really long time for them to get to their destination.

When they were finally going to be able to enter the land God had promised them, God started giving Moses all of these rules for how and when they were supposed to bring sacrifices to Him and even for what occasion they were to celebrate. God told them to have a special festival (aka the Passover) to celebrate when God brought them out of Egypt and to thank Him for what He did for them during their journey. After all, He did send food from the sky on a regular basis and had water come out of rocks. He had their journey under control. He wasn’t just letting them wonder aimlessly, hoping they would find the next big thing He had for them. He was there with them the whole time and was doing amazing things during that time! They just needed to be willing and able to stop and smell the cactus roses along the way.

I’m currently seeing this in my own life. (For those that don’t know) it is my dream and ultimate goal to become a pediatric physical therapist. And from right now, I have about 5 years before that becomes a reality. When I think about how far away that next step is, it kind of makes me want to throw up. That’s over 1,800 days of homework and tests and studying I still have left to do. I would love to just magically have my degree and start helping all of the little angels of the world like tomorrow. But that’s not how God works. He’s not some genie that will give me a diploma if I wish for it. God has my journey already mapped out. He knows where I am going to go and who I am going to meet along the way. He knows the challenges and obstacles I am going to face. And He also knows the small victories I am going to have along the way (like hopefully dominating physics this semester!) But my focus right now needs to be on the journey.

So where are you? Maybe you have just reached the light at the end. You’ve started an exciting new chapter of your life. That’s something worth celebrating! Go back and think about all of the ways God grew you during that time of waiting and searching. That’s what makes your journey unique. That’s what makes your journey yours. Or maybe you are in the middle of two major phases in your life. Yeah, it can be really frustrating to be in this limbo phase while you are trying to figure out your next step. But enjoy it! Look for the little miracles God is doing along the way. Notice the design inside the tunnel. You’ll appreciate the other side so much more if you don’t try sprinting through it.

Casting My Cares On Him

If you have talked to me at all in the past couple weeks, I have not been shy about the fact that I am feeling very overwhelmed with life right now. I try not to get stressed out a lot. But when I do, I like really do! And these past two weeks have been filled with tons of deadlines and emotional roller coasters. There were even times I felt physically sick because I was freaking out about life so much. What was the cause of all of my worry and stress? I’m so glad you asked J

This week officially began my journey as a Florida State Seminole. (YAY!) I was not really ever sure if FSU is where I would eventually end up. I always wanted to go there but I had never set my heart on it simply because I hadn’t decided what I wanted to major in! What if I picked something FSU didn’t offer? But I did, and now I get to work toward being a 2^nd generation Nole (SO to my mom). But figuring out what classes I need and balancing it with my work schedule was a lot for me to try to plan out. And then just when I thought I had decided on the perfect schedule, I got an email saying that I was signed up for a class I didn’t have the right prerequisites for. Great, now what am I going to do?!

Audrey, I need you to trust Me.

And if trying to pick out classes and times for college isn’t stressful enough, you also got to pay for them! I’m taking 14 credit hours this semester and if you know anything about how expensive college is, you can imagine how much money that is. My parents of course assured me they were here to help me. But I want to be independent. I want to be self-sufficient. I want to be an adult. I got a major heart check one Sunday when I thought I could tell God that He didn’t need my tithe money. I needed it… Then (not coincidentally) I read the verses where Jesus told His disciples and the Pharisees “Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s and give to God what is God’s”. I couldn’t ignore that! So I did it. But it was really hard.

Audrey, I need you to trust Me.

One of my best friends and my spiritual other half just got married in Denmark. (No, I didn’t get to go.) And not only that, she and her new husband are moving to Colorado this week! They didn’t ask my permission before they did that either! All joking aside, I really am so, so happy for them. I love them both so much and I think they are going to have the most amazing life together. But I’m really sad for me. Not just because she’s 25 hours away, but it brings up all of these other emotions. I want to find the most amazing guy that I can be best friends with and tolerate enough to consider spending the rest of my life with him. I want someone that will go on a life-long adventure with me to wherever, whenever.

Audrey, I need you to trust Me.

In case it went over your head, those fancy little italicized sentences are what I have been hearing from God over and over again. And you know what, He was right.

My school schedule hit a little bump in the road. But now with my new schedule, I am hopefully going to be able to shadow a physical therapist who works with kids (which is my dream!). That would not have been possible with my school schedule before.

School fees are due next week. I was waiting to pay them until I had gotten all of the paychecks I could. My most recent one was more than I was anticipating it to be! It wasn’t an accident though. I had just forgotten about how much overtime I had worked. But it was still a welcomed surprise!

Every once in a while, I have a “forever alone” pity party for myself, but I’m not alone! I have my family, my roommates, my friends, my girls at church. I’m basically dating Chick-fil-a (I spend most of my time there and try to look at least presentable when I go to work. So yes, we’re dating.) Besides, I’m not really sure with what free time I could really invest in a relationship right now anyway. I know God’s going to send me my Jesus-loving Prince Charming when we're both ready. And my life with him is going to be an adventure. But for right now, I really am okay with being a super awesome single pringle!

In addition to all of these things, I have been so strongly encouraged from my friends and family these past couple weeks. I’ve had people text me out of the blue asking how they could be praying for me. (When that happened, I cried. Like a lot.) Any time I start to get frustrated and start to think I can’t do this and I can’t handle it, there is someone always right there assuring me I can. So thank you, all of you, for your words of affirmation. I so appreciate having such wonderful people in my life. And above all, I am trying to trust God even when it feels like I’m losing at life. I’m obviously not perfect in that area yet. But I’m learning how much more enjoyable life can be when I cast my cares on Him.

When He Speaks

Have you ever been trying to tell someone a funny story but upon seeing how unamused they were, your response always is “Oh well, I guess you had to be there”? Have you ever tried to explain a feeling or sensation you have had and really can’t even find the words to accurate describe what it was like? It can be frustrating to be in those situations because you want someone else to be able to feel and experience what you did. We like to talk about and share crazy cool things that have happened to us. But sometimes it’s hard to find the words to make someone else understand what it was we have been through. Well, as if trying to tell about something in person isn’t hard enough, I’m going to try to describe an experience I had at church recently using this blog… So we’ll see how this goes.

I have been in church my whole life. I’m one of those people who was going to church even before I was born. And I love that that’s how my life has been. I know I’m so blessed! That doesn’t mean my relationship with Jesus has always been a walk in the park either. It’s had its ups and downs. I’ve had times I have doubted my faith. I understand the Bible is true. I know all of the right Sunday school answers. I am not new to things whole Christianity thing. That’s why when this happened the other week at church, it honestly kind of surprised me. I had never experienced anything like it before!

So this happened one Sunday during the worship part of the service. I honestly couldn’t really tell you what the song was that we were singing. But somewhere in the lyrics it was talking about the sacrifice that Jesus made for us on the cross. Then, all of a sudden I got these like weird chills that radiated all over my body. Not like ones that make my hair stand up because it was cold in the sanctuary. I mean like chills from the inside of me. And then I heard this voice say “Yes, this song is about me. I did that for you.” And I heard it over and over again as we continued to sing this song about Jesus being our salvation.

Now if you have never had an experience like this before, I know this sounds absolutely crazy. I promise I had plenty of sleep. I was in my right mind. In fact, it has happened again many, many times since then. And it honestly kind of freaks me out every time. But I know it is just the Spirit inside of me reminding me that these songs are more than just the words and the notes. It’s more than just the fancy lights and all of the people who came together for church that day. It’s about us declaring who Jesus is. And what He has done for us. And yeah, this might be one of those things that you have to experience for yourself to know what that’s like. I hope you do get to experience the voice of the Spirit inside of you guiding you and reminding you who it is you are worshipping. Because hearing that and feeling that makes me want to get up, dance, and praise the Lord with everything within me.

That’s the coolest thing about the God that I serve. He’s personal. And yes, sometimes that’s a scary thing because that means He knows more about me than I may really want Him too. But it’s also so wonderful that this God of the universe wants me to know He is with me. And He is listening to me. So He does things like whispers His truth to us at church. Or remind us of His constant love for Him on our bad days. I mean after all, He did create us. He wants us to be so sure of our relationship with Him that He will speak to us in unique ways, just at the moment we need Him to.

Too Scared To Serve

Have you ever done something that at first you weren’t super excited about? But then once you got there, you ended up having tons of fun? Like for me, every time my family would tell us we were going to go on a camping trip, I would be super against it at first. It’s too hot. There are bugs. I won’t get to have a lot of personal space. You get that super gross and sticky feeling (I can handle dirty but I DO NOT like being sticky). But every time we go I have so much fun! I just need someone to make me go out and do it.

Well, this past week was also an example of that. So a couple months ago, I was asked by the one of the children’s directors (shout out to my neighbor/ coolest boss ever Kara) to consider leading the missions rotation of Adventure Week. For those of you that don’t go Celebration, Adventure Week is our version of VBS. As many of you know, I went on a six month long mission trip last year and Kara and a couple others had decided I would be a great person to come and lead missions. There were a couple problems though. First, I was signed up to take classes over the summer and Adventure Week and school schedules don’t really go together. However, God had already taken care of that one. My summer class finished literally the week before Adventure Week. Second of all, when I told my sister and a couple other people that I had been asked to lead it, their responses were always “Oh yeah the missions rotation isn’t really the kids’ favorite”. Not really the most encouraging thing to hear! But I mean, it makes sense. The rest of Adventure Week is full of games and crafts and music. You can see how learning about what someone did in a different country wouldn’t really be anyone’s favorite part of that week.

My first reaction was to say no. Doing the missions for Adventure Week would mean having to yell over and control tons of kids while you try to teach them, which did not sound appealing at all (this is why people who love to and want to be teachers make no sense to me). But then to know from the beginning that kids weren’t really even excited about missions anyway totally scared me! What would make what I had to say any more fun or relatable than what the people who had lead in the past had to say? I did not feel equipped to do something like that.

But then one day I was listening to a sermon (is it still called a sermon even if they aren’t a pastor? Not that it matters) by Christine Caine and she was talking about being servants where we are asked, when we are asked. I knew leading missions would not be the most “glamourous” position during the week. I wouldn’t have a stage to speak to thousands on. I would have a room. Trying to yell over and keep the attention of 50+ kids at a time. But I knew I had been asked because someone believed I could do it. And I knew that this was something God had basically handed me to do. So I said yes.

And let me tell you, this past week at Adventure Week was so wonderful! I’m not going to lie, it was crazy exhausting! But it was so much fun to get to tell kids about my trip and show them pictures and videos of the places I went. Kids have such a desire to learn and explore so getting to see things and learn about places they have never been to is actually super cool for them. It took a lot of planning and creativity (2 things I am not very good at). But let me tell you, all of the positive feedback I got from the kids and even the leaders was so amazing! On the last day, I even had a little girl come up to me and tell me that now she wanted to be a missionary when she grew up! How awesome is that?!

The point is: be willing to let God use you where you are at. You may not have a microphone or a big fancy platform. You might have a room with like 10 people in it. Or even just 1 person that God has brought into your life so you can be a light to them. Take advantage of those moments because they are preparing you for when the big moments do come. There are no regrets when we let God use us. Only when we are too scared to trust Him when He gives us opportunities to serve Him.