Too Scared To Serve

Have you ever done something that at first you weren’t super excited about? But then once you got there, you ended up having tons of fun? Like for me, every time my family would tell us we were going to go on a camping trip, I would be super against it at first. It’s too hot. There are bugs. I won’t get to have a lot of personal space. You get that super gross and sticky feeling (I can handle dirty but I DO NOT like being sticky). But every time we go I have so much fun! I just need someone to make me go out and do it.

Well, this past week was also an example of that. So a couple months ago, I was asked by the one of the children’s directors (shout out to my neighbor/ coolest boss ever Kara) to consider leading the missions rotation of Adventure Week. For those of you that don’t go Celebration, Adventure Week is our version of VBS. As many of you know, I went on a six month long mission trip last year and Kara and a couple others had decided I would be a great person to come and lead missions. There were a couple problems though. First, I was signed up to take classes over the summer and Adventure Week and school schedules don’t really go together. However, God had already taken care of that one. My summer class finished literally the week before Adventure Week. Second of all, when I told my sister and a couple other people that I had been asked to lead it, their responses were always “Oh yeah the missions rotation isn’t really the kids’ favorite”. Not really the most encouraging thing to hear! But I mean, it makes sense. The rest of Adventure Week is full of games and crafts and music. You can see how learning about what someone did in a different country wouldn’t really be anyone’s favorite part of that week.

My first reaction was to say no. Doing the missions for Adventure Week would mean having to yell over and control tons of kids while you try to teach them, which did not sound appealing at all (this is why people who love to and want to be teachers make no sense to me). But then to know from the beginning that kids weren’t really even excited about missions anyway totally scared me! What would make what I had to say any more fun or relatable than what the people who had lead in the past had to say? I did not feel equipped to do something like that.

But then one day I was listening to a sermon (is it still called a sermon even if they aren’t a pastor? Not that it matters) by Christine Caine and she was talking about being servants where we are asked, when we are asked. I knew leading missions would not be the most “glamourous” position during the week. I wouldn’t have a stage to speak to thousands on. I would have a room. Trying to yell over and keep the attention of 50+ kids at a time. But I knew I had been asked because someone believed I could do it. And I knew that this was something God had basically handed me to do. So I said yes.

And let me tell you, this past week at Adventure Week was so wonderful! I’m not going to lie, it was crazy exhausting! But it was so much fun to get to tell kids about my trip and show them pictures and videos of the places I went. Kids have such a desire to learn and explore so getting to see things and learn about places they have never been to is actually super cool for them. It took a lot of planning and creativity (2 things I am not very good at). But let me tell you, all of the positive feedback I got from the kids and even the leaders was so amazing! On the last day, I even had a little girl come up to me and tell me that now she wanted to be a missionary when she grew up! How awesome is that?!

The point is: be willing to let God use you where you are at. You may not have a microphone or a big fancy platform. You might have a room with like 10 people in it. Or even just 1 person that God has brought into your life so you can be a light to them. Take advantage of those moments because they are preparing you for when the big moments do come. There are no regrets when we let God use us. Only when we are too scared to trust Him when He gives us opportunities to serve Him.

You are not alone

Before you begin reading this, you should know a couple things. The first thing is that the things I blog about and the words I type on this page I do not consider my own. I don’t just sit down and decide when and about what I am going to blog about. Everything I share is things that I feel like God has placed on my heart. And I cannot tell you how rewarding and wonderful it is when I get to hear people tell me about how something I said related to them or connected to them. The second thing is God has pushed this so strongly on my heart today that I know one of you reading this needs to hear it. So don’t be shocked when you (whoever you are) reads this. Because God knew you needed to hear it. Maybe you’re ignoring Him because you think He doesn’t get it but He knew you would end up here. So He’s using me to get to you.

I’ve realized something over the past few days: growing up is not all fun and games like maybe we thought it would be when we were younger. Even in high school (when we thought we were adults but we definitely weren’t), the stuff that worried us were things like grades, being the best at our sport or in our band, making sure we could find the perfect prom dress and date. Problems that as adults we wish we had! Now it’s things like paying bills, making deadlines at work, managing relationships with our coworkers and maybe even our spouses, being there for family and friends going through some health issues that we don’t know all the answers to. Life is full of real deal scary stuff. Things that we can’t control. We wish we could, but we can’t. We don’t always have all the answers. Doctors don’t always have all the answers. Our friends don’t always have the answers. Our bosses don’t always have all the answers.

So we put our heads down and walk through the storms of life. Have you ever been hit by one of life’s tornados and while you are pushing through the winds and struggling just to stand, you look to the right and to the left and you think yourself “I am having to do this alone”? Have you ever had that thought? You can be surrounded by hundreds of people and still feel so alone. Because you look around and there is not a single person that can possible understand what you are going through. Maybe you have started isolating yourself from other people because you feel like no one can relate to the pain or stress or doubts you are dealing with. Maybe you have even started putting up a front around others because you don’t want them to know or ask what is wrong because then you have to talk about it and be open and vulnerable and that hurts even more. So you pretend like you have everything together and that life is great but really it’s not.

Now that you know I am talking to you, here’s what you need to know: you are not alone. There are bills that you don’t know how you are going to have the money for. (You are not alone.) Every time you see that person, they know just what to say to make you feel worse about yourself. (You are not alone.) Your insecurity is getting stronger and stronger but you try to hide it so no one will see your weakness. (You are not alone.) The diagnosis you or someone you love does not look good. (You are not alone.) You feel like no one is listening and that no one cares. (You are not alone.)

You are not alone. God has never left you. “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10) Yeah, you may have hit a bump in the road. That doesn’t mean God abandoned you. That doesn’t mean He doesn’t care. There is a constant battle going on for your heart and for your trust and for your soul. See the Devil wants you feel isolated. He wants you to feel unwanted. He wants you to feel unloved. You need to get those thoughts and those fears out of your head. You are treasured. You are loved. Unconditionally. You are strong. Because you have an army of angels surrounding you and a Heavenly Father who put His Spirit inside of you and He is fighting for you. And one day (and I know it doesn’t seem like this now) you will be able to look back from the other side with victory. And you are going to be able to share your story and touch so many others who don’t feel like anyone understands them. And you are going to make Satan regret ever trying to mess with you. Because God is going to use this hard time that you are going through in ways that are going to blow your mind! But until that day comes, wake up every day with the desire to fight. Fight for your self-esteem. Fight for your family. Fight for your health. Fight for your joy. Fight for your purpose.

So now you’re either one of two people: you are either currently in the fight or you know someone who is. If you are in the fight, find someone that can encourage you and pray for you and support you and love you. If you need someone but don’t know who, I’ll volunteer. You can send me a message or shoot me a text. Everything will be between you, me, and God. I would love to pray for you. And if you are the person that knows someone who is going through the fight, blow up their phone with encouragement. Attack them with hugs and love. Because I’m sure you have been through your own struggles and you know how it felt to know people were there for you. So be that for someone else.

You are not alone. 

Planning Our Future

(I would like to begin with a shout out to my soul sister Jordan because she suggested I share my thoughts on this topic.) The other night we were getting dinner and talking about growing up, looking for careers, future places we would like to live, and everything that goes with that. Because the reality is life is FULL of uncertainty and sometimes it requires that we make some major changes. Sometimes those can be really exciting and sometimes they can be super scary. (Honestly a lot of times, they seem to be both.) But how do we know that we are doing what God’s will is for our lives?

The Bible is packed with all sorts of wonderful verses of wisdom and encouragement, but there are no specific verses with our names in them telling us exactly who and where we are supposed to be in our lives. There is no chapter or verse with your name in it explaining God’s perfect plan for you. So how do we know when we are making the right decisions?

My mom’s rule always has been as long as it is not illegal or in direct contradiction with the Bible and we have really prayed about it, there’s nothing really to say if something is or isn’t God’s plan is for us. Because on the one hand yes, we do serve an all-powerful and all-knowing God and He knows us better than we know ourselves so of course He has a pretty good idea of where we are best fit in this world. But we also have the gift of free will. God wants us to explore the world around us and to seek to know ourselves and ultimately Him in a deep personal way. As long as you are not flat out disobeying God, you are free to make your own choices! (I mean you can choose to disobey God but I wouldn’t recommend that.) Now because He knows what is best for us, He does want us to seek His plan for us. Because that is where we will find our most joy and fulfillment. God gave us our specific list of gifts and abilities to help us find our niche but I believe we have the chance to figure out all the details on our own.

Let’s be for real: in a very literal sense, does the Bible say that it matters whether you live in Michigan or California? Um nope, at least in my Bible it doesn’t. Maybe your translation is different. Lemme tell you what mine says though. “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:19-20) Does God say that it maters whether you go to FSU or UF? No! (Actually, it does matter. Don’t go to UF.) But we are called to go be salt and light wherever we live. Wherever we work. With whomever we marry. With the way we act and the words we say and the things we do.

So of course, seek God and ask for His help when you are searching for the answers. Don’t think you can do life without Him. Because He will be quick to remind you that you can’t. But if you feel a peace about your decision, go for it! God’s not going to send you a DM with your life laid out for you. Strive to live your life in a way that honors Him. Use your talents to glorify Him. Surround yourself with people who can encourage you to make good decisions. And the rest will fall into place!

Not that Smart

So here’s something you probably already know and may not really want to be reminded of: you are not the smartest person in the world. Go ahead. Sit down. Take a moment if you need to come to terms with that. It’s a humbling statement to say out loud. Dropping your pride to admit that maybe there is someone else who knows more than you do can be scary. A lot of the time when people suggest what they think is best for us, we tend to get all defensive because we think we always know what’s the best for us. Sometimes we’re right and sometimes we’re not. What if there was someone who was so much smarter than we can possibly imagine? …Oh wait! There is.

How hard is it to believe that God really knows what is best for us? I mean, my goodness, He created the whole universe! Of course, He is smarter than we are! Our tiny, mushy brains cannot comprehend how big and massive He is. We can’t even begin to understand all the twists and turns in our story that have made us who we are and brought us to where we are. But God has seen every single twist 

and wind and bump in the road and has been there riding shotgun with us every step of the way.

See that’s what makes our lives so beautiful. The mystery of our lives is what makes them so wonderful. I mean, yeah there are definitely sometimes I wish I knew all the answers about my life. Where I am going to work one day. Who I am going to marry. Where I’m going to live. All of these things would be nice to know. Although, it could be very overwhelming. I mean, what if God told me that I was going to live in Canada? There are no sandy, Floridian beaches in Canada! That would really freak me out. Fortunately, God knows I can’t handle all of that information at once. So He lets me figure it out (with His guidance of course) and that’s when life becomes an exciting adventure.

We are a society that doesn’t like being told what we should do. We like to be our own boss. We like to explore and discover. We like to try to understand things that don’t make sense. The best news though is that we have the best tour guide in the universe on our side! Someone who wants us to succeed but also want us to ask for His help. Someone who lets us make our own choices but wants us to seek His will for our lives. We may not always know the right answers and we aren’t always going to make the right choices. But just know your #1 fan, supporter, best friend is right beside you waiting for you to ask Him to help you. He already knows the answers and He’s a lot smarter than you are. So trust Him.      

When We Fall Short

Have you ever had that moment when you thought to yourself in the words of Britney Spears “Oops I did it again”? (Not that I’m necessarily saying you should model your life after Britney Spears songs but you know what I mean.) That moment when you do the one thing that you told yourself you wouldn’t do again. You said you were going to eat better, but that chocolate bar kept calling your name. You said you weren’t going to go to that place, but you ended up there once again. You knew that person was not the best influence on you, but you don’t want to be seen as the loser who can’t hang out with them anymore. All of us have done something that we regret. Big or small. We all have something in our past we’re not extremely proud of.

I don’t know about you but I usually have the hardest time forgiving myself. I’m not saying that forgiving someone else is always a walk in the park. It can be extremely painful. And it can take a lot of time. But sometimes it’s easier than having to forgive yourself. We can make excuses for other people, justify what may have made them act a certain way. But with your own self, it’s a completely different story. You know better than to make those mistakes that you did. And when you do it over and over again, it can be hard to give yourself a chance to forgive yourself.

Luckily, there is someone who has already forgiven us for all the times we mess up. Past, present, and future. And yes of course I am talking about Jesus, someone who came and lived a perfect life and took on the shame and consequences meant for us. That does not mean we somehow got a pass to do whatever we want. Romans 6:1-2 says “What should we say then? Should we continue in sin so that grace may multiply? Absolutely not! How can we who died to sin still live in it?” By saying we have died to sin kind of means we have given up that part of us. So yes, we are going to mess up sometimes because we are imperfect humans, but we should always strive for our lives to resemble that of Christ.

There is also the other end. God wants us to recognize and repent of our sin, but that does not mean we have to sit and feel sorry forever about what we did. I believe guilt is not from God. Becoming aware of how we have messed up absolutely is! And that kind of awareness is what brings about a desire to change. But guilt, the feeling that you are a terrible person and neither God nor anyone else will be able to love you again because of what you have done, is not from Him. Besides, it’s not like you are the only person that has ever made a mistake. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23) God does not define us by the sin in our lives. He wouldn’t call us sons and daughters if He did. It’s okay to want to fix the wrong we may have done and yeah sometimes that recovery process can take a while. But getting stuck in the past and becoming consumed with guilt from the things you have done is not beneficial. Usually for me, feeling sorry for myself makes it harder to love on others because I become too consumed with myself.

We all have things in our lives that we wish we had done differently. Don’t let what has happened in your past take over your mind and your life. Every morning could mark the day you start to make some positive and lifelong changes. You’re never too far away from grace. God will never stop loving you. He doesn’t want you to be a broken soul overcome with defeat. Jesus already has the victory. It’s time to pick yourself up and act like you believe that you are forgiven. That you are loved. Because trust me, you definitely are! 

Am I Too Picky

To be honest, I’m not really sure why I am writing this blog post. This has just been an idea that has been bouncing around my head for a couple days. Maybe because someone who reads this (maybe you) needs to hear this or just because I really do love writing these and I haven’t for a while and this is an area I’m an expert in and have nothing else to write about. Either way, you have apparently decided that this is worth reading so here we go!

The inspiration for this one came from a conversation I had at work a week or two ago. For some reason, my love life (and by love life I mean my gift of not having one) came up. I got asked about when the last time I went on a date and when I said I haven’t been on one since like all the cool kids had Razors, this guy said “Well maybe you’re just too picky.” And in that instant, I pictured my dad saying “Um she better be! Her mom and I raised her to be that way” Which is what got me thinking: when did being picky become a bad thing?

You know that saying “it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all”. What idiot said that?! The entertainment business tries to tell us this too. There are so many movies and even songs about flings that had to end because of the end of the summer and the idea that if only you could have one night together, that would make the rest of your existence bearable because at least you got to love them once. We’ve somehow not only made love gross and romantic but we’ve somehow been able to romanticize the breakup too. THAT’S INSANE!

Break ups and lost love is not fun. It’s lonely. And it hurts. Crying yourself to sleep at night is not somehow tragically beautiful. It’s isolating because you know there is not a person in the world who knows how hard it is. Then you wake up in the morning and try to put your best happy face on and accept that this is your reality. And they aren’t somehow empowering either. It doesn’t matter how long you dated, you will at some point wonder what if you had done it differently and it had worked out. And who really wants to be someone’s rebound?! Because there have been movies about that too. That definitely is not the ideal because even if it seems fun at first, eventually all of the emotions you put off dealing with from your break up will come back to haunt you. Then what?  

I have had people tell me that my confidence in my single-ness is inspiring. To be honest, a lot of reason for that is my lack of offers. This is not a secret suggestion that I want more. The idea of a date like actually terrifies me. At work, I can be all sorts of bubbly and happy with customers but as soon as someone rolls up who I find even mildly attractive, it’s like I forget how to speak words and run away like an awkward gazelle. And I’m okay with that! Because whoever can see past all of that, well they must be the keeper! But I have come to realize that being single is not a bad thing. For one thing, I don’t have to buy yet another person a Christmas present. But it also gives me time to invest in people I may not be able to if I was dating someone. Besides, one thing I know about myself is I tend to get emotionally attached to people and just casually dating someone isn’t really an option for me. My mind goes from 0-100 in seconds. (Example: Let’s say a cute guy holds the door for me at like school. Before I can even say thank you, I’ve already named our first 2 kids and our dog and planned our first family vacation to Disney… Now you see my problem)

All of this to say, that yeah I am confident in who I am. I love being the girl best friend anyway! (Mainly because I don’t have to dress up for dates. I’ll just help you land some dates with the other ladies! ;) ) Besides, one day I hope to find a guy best friend that I like being around so much that I’ll consider making our next hang out sesh into a date. It may happen tomorrow or it may not happen for 3 years. Either way, I WILL be picky. Maybe it’s time for you to consider being picky or just even take a break from dating and learn how awesome you are! (If you need lessons on how to be too awkward for love, I’ll be happy to teach you)

So What's Missing?

Do you ever feel like your relationship with God is kind of at a stand-still? Like there was a time when worship flowed out of your heart, going to church actually felt like a blessing, and spending time with God seemed easy and natural. But maybe now, the worship songs have just become words. Church just keeps you from sleeping in on Sundays. And sitting alone in the presence of God seems impossible. If you have ever felt that way, don’t worry. You’re not the only one, I promise. I can say that because I’ve been there. So what was it that you had before that is no longer there?

This morning in Sunday School, we were watching the video from when Christine Caine spoke at Passion this year. (And if you don’t know who Christine Caine is, look her up.) Anyway, she was reading from Joshua 1 when Israel had finished taking their little field trip in the desert and were about to enter the Promised Land when she asked this question: “how many of us are living like we have been delivered and not like we are free?” God had delivered Israel from Egypt, but they weren’t living like they were free. They weren’t even out of Egypt for that long before they began complaining about not having everything they had in Egypt now that they were in the desert. They were slaves in Egypt and suddenly that seemed more appealing than where they were. You might say that sounds insane but how many times have you fallen back into insecurity or addiction or jealousy or hate or your own version of slavery?

Maybe that happens because for whatever reason falling back into that seems comfortable. But if you really tried to explain to someone why it feels that way, they would think you were as crazy as those Israelites. But it’s true! We can convince ourselves sometimes that living a life of slavery is better than living a life of freedom. The Israelites had no idea what to expect in this new land they were going to. None of them had ever been anything but a slave before. To be fair, they didn’t know what they were missing out on. But following Moses into the freedom God had waiting for them seemed terrifying! They wanted to be back into that routine of working that was so familiar to them. I mean sure they were taking orders from people in Egypt but it had to be better than walking around a desert with no idea where they were going, right?

In Isaiah 5, there’s I guess what you would consider the Old Testament version of a parable of a man that owns a vineyard. He got the best soil for it. He plowed it like he supposed to. He gave it all of the water and care it needed. He looked after it because he wanted it to succeed. But he was disappointed when the grapes were not big and beautiful but shriveled and unappealing. In case you were confused, God is the vineyard owner and we are the vines (a theme that also comes up in the New Testament. Coincidence? I don’t think so!) He can give us all of the things we could possibly need. He can show us all of the love and care that we can possibly absorb. But when it comes down to it, we have to decide the fruit we are going to show. Are we going to look like people who belong to Him so when people see us they know we are His? Or are we going to look like we have no idea who has been taking care of us?

So what is keeping you from living like you have been set free? What fears are keeping you from stepping out and being able to dance in the freedom of what Christ has done for you? We should be exploding with overwhelming joy when we talk about our God. We should be able to run marathons because all of the weight of guilt and shame has been lifted from us. Deliverance from our sin is one thing. And it’s a great thing! That’s why Jesus came and died for us. We don’t have to do anything except ask to be delivered from our sin. But we can’t fully enjoy the blessings that come with it until we can take that step into freedom. And yeah, maybe it means removing all of that stuff that we have grown accustomed to in our lives and just trusting God. But wouldn’t it be fun to let Him take you on an adventure into the Promised Land He has just for you?