Happy Birthday Sprouts!

Well everyone, in 2 days it will have been a year since I got my sprouts! In case you don’t know the whole story, this time last year I was in Jamaica on my mission trip and had the craziest experience… I got to spend 2 exciting nights in a Jamaican hospital. Long story short, we were having church outside in like a tent and one of the light poles fell right on top of my skull. So a couple skull fractures, 5 stitches, and 2 nights later, I got to leave the hospital with a neck brace and a little bald spot where my sprouts are now growing. (If you want the full story, you can check out my blog from when it all happened called “Struck down but not destroyed” or ask me about it! It’s kind of a fun story to tell.)

Looking back now, I would definitely define that as the catalyst for where I am today in my walk with God. It started really the first night when Amy and Tiff (love my girls!) had to leave me in the hospital. Never before in my life had I been so alone. Not just I felt alone and like no one would understand. But physically by myself in this giant hospital with all of these gross sick people coughing up stuff everywhere. I was terrified! I just laid there and prayed. I prayed for strength, understanding, peace, and healing. I didn’t really know what the healing process would look like. I didn’t know what the next day was going to look like. I didn’t even know who to ask for help if I needed to go to the bathroom. God was the only person I knew that could hear me in that bed. I just remember praying and thinking “God, my mom doesn’t even know that I am here”. And then I heard super audibly, “Yes she does.” If you haven’t heard the voice of God that must sound completely crazy but I did that night. And you know the craziest part? When I did call my mom the next day, she told me she had had this super strong feeling to pray for me that day even though she didn’t really know why. She did know I needed her prayer!

I also got to see God at work in my interactions with the hospital staff while I was there. I had lots of doctors and nurses stop to ask me why I was there. Partly because of the giant plastic collar I had on my neck and partly because it was usual to see an American in the ward like I was. Over and over again, I got to tell people, “I was at church and this pole fell on my head but God saved my life!” And I could say it with a smile on my face! Because it wasn’t just one of those things I was saying because I was supposed to. I really believed it!

It might be confusing to you that I can still praise God even though I could blame Him for what happened. But first, God is not the source of pain and suffering. God allows it but He does not cause it. And He does not give us anything we can’t handle. God knew I trusted Him enough to get me through that whole experience. He gave me teammates that prayed for me and took care of me. (Special shout out to Tiffany for being my nurse while I was healing!) They made sure I didn’t push myself too hard and that I had all of the love I needed while I got better. He gave me amazing friends at home who I know prayed for my quick recovery and who sent me love and support over Facebook. He gave me parents and family who were obviously concerned for my health and safety but who didn’t completely lose it! Even when I decided to stay! There are definitely parents who would have demanded I be on the next plane home but mine didn’t. They also trusted God enough to let Him take care of me. And He did! And the remainder of my trip was so wonderful! So yes, it is one of my favorite stories because it is definitely something about me that makes me unique. But also because that whole experience brought me closer to God than I ever had been!

And remember: God loves you. I love you. Go live a life without fear :)

Good Is Not An Adjective

This past weekend I had the pleasure of being a part of DNOW weekend at my church. If you are unfamiliar with DNOW: it’s a weekend for the middle and high school students to just spend time hanging out with God and their friends. There’s a lot of reflection as well as lots of love and laughter! I’ve been a leader for DNOW every year since I graduated high school (well except for last year when I was inconveniently out of the country…) and I love it! Anyway, all of that to say that there was one point one of our speakers made this weekend that just really stuck out to me. Hopefully, this makes sense to you. It’s a new concept for me and I don’t really know how to best put it into words.

His point came from the story of the rich, young ruler who approached Jesus and asked him “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” (Luke 18:18) To which Jesus replies “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone.” (Luke 18:19) Now I’ve heard this story my whole life but usually, we just skip over those 2 verses and focus in on the part of the story when Jesus asks the ruler to give up everything and follow Him and the ruler can’t do it. But these 2 verses hold some super solid Biblical truth.

The word “good” is used to describe something that we should be proud of: good job or good work or wow you’re so good at that. If you have grown up anywhere near a church, you have probably heard the phrase “God is good” more times than you can count. Usually it comes up whenever there has been some hardship or a trial we don’t understand. It follows something like “Well you know I have been really worried about where we are going to get the money for (fill in the blank) but you know God is good and He will provide a way”. Does God really need our confirmation that He is good? Does He really need us to describe His actions as a job well done?

What if instead good was not a way of describing His actions or decisions but was used to describe Him? As our speaker put it: “Good is not a state of being, it is a person.” Yes, God is good. But not because of the choices He makes or the things He excels at, He just is! He never stops being good. It’s not a passing thing. He always is!

And here’s where you come in: don’t you think a person who by definition is GOOD would make any mistakes when He put you together? Do you think the fact He gave you the laugh He did and painted your eyes that color is a good thing? Something that when He looks at you He is proud of? We are made in God’s image so when we look at ourselves, we should see His goodness pouring out of us. God created the world and saw that it was good! It was good because it was His creation, something He intentionally pieced together to glorify Him. So yeah, you may not be “good” at talking to people or always “good” at loving those that are hard to, but you have been made by a Creator that by definition is. Let the goodness of God show itself through you. Celebrate God and His goodness!

God loves you. I love you. Go live a life without fear.  

When Food Became Bae

I started this blog originally to give updates about the mission trip I went on this past year (sometimes I can’t believe I actually did that) and I realized that I really enjoy writing these posts! So these ones I write now might be about cool things that I have seen and experienced or things that have just been on my mind, sprinkled with some spiritual truth. Hopefully if you take the time to read this, you will be encouraged to hear that you are not the only person dealing with certain issues. We all got them!

So when I left for my trip, I thought I was going to come back a total babe. You can laugh but think about it: the Caribbean has generated some gorgeous and well-toned people. Plus, I knew I was not going to be eating fast food all the time so I thought that this trip would be doing my body a favor. Like the coconut water would be the source of the fountain of youth. I knew I would be spending lots of time outside but I knew I would not magically come back with beautiful caramel skin. I’m not that stupid!

I realized this was not going to be the case after one of the first nights we ate dinner at our house in Haiti. My 2 roommates, our translator, and I were fed more spaghetti than my family of 7 would probably eat in one sitting. And because of the culture, we knew it had to be gone. I remember the 3 of us just laying on our bed after dinner fully aware that if we sneezed or coughed, spaghetti was going to come out of every pore in our body. And that’s how we ate for the following months. Sometimes it was spaghetti, other times it was rice and beans, potatoes, or just plain boiled plantains. (Now when I try to eat this stuff, my body really struggles with it. Probably because I maxed out on the amount of starch I can consume in my lifetime.)

When I returned home, I could tell I was a little thicker but I was shocked when I stepped on a scale and saw how much more. It honestly freaked me out! And it didn’t make it any better that I began to deal with my emotions by eating all of this comfort food I somehow convinced myself I had been deprived of. It wasn’t until we were reading this book in Bible study called “gods at war” by Kyle Idleman (totally recommend it!) and he brought up how food can be a god that I realized the place I was in. It was kind of humiliating to admit that. I knew that I needed to run to God when things got hard and not Steak n Shake. Don’t be confused: having the complete opposite problem is just as dangerous too! God gave us food with all of these delicious flavors for us to enjoy and to enjoy with other people. So don’t go crazy with eating 12 Big Macs and don’t deny yourself the pleasure of a couple cookies sometimes. And have dinner with your family and friends every once in a while. You gotta eat anyway so you might as well be laughing while you do it!

After I realized what was going on, I decided to do a one day fast and pray that God would remind me to put the struggle of transitioning back into America and the worries of what lies ahead on Him. So naturally I dreamed about doughnuts the night before… But even just that one day was enough for me to realize that I needed God more than I needed those doughnuts. And no matter how much I weigh or how few of my clothes fit right, He still loves every part of me. I hope you understand how precious you are to Him. And how He sees more than the color of your skin or the shape of your face. He sees the beauty of your heart. He sees the talents and gift He gave to you. And He wants you to be confident in who you are in Him so you can share that wonderful smile of yours with the people in your life who need it.

PS. This weekend is the DNOW weekend for our church for the middle and high school students. So please pray that God would use this weekend to remind them of how much He loves them and that they will be pumped to finish up this school year with Him right next to them!

And never forget: God loves you. I love you. Go live a life without fear. 

Uh-Oh, it's Valentine's Day

Valentine’s Day. February 14^th. Either the most romantic or the loneliest day of the year. Either you will be spending it going to a nice dinner and being all snuggly with your significant other. Or you will be eating your weight in ice cream watching every episode of Grey’s Anatomy on Netflix. Whichever way you spend Valentine’s Day, you have to admit it’s a weird holiday. It’s amazing how one random day in February can make us feel so strongly about life and love.

I will admit that Valentine’s Day and couples in general freak me out. Walking into Walmart and being blinded by all the hot pink hearts everywhere is an overwhelming experience. I’m totally in favor of a holiday that results in tons of half price candy the day after! That’s the single girls dream! I also don’t understand (and this may be the super single part of me) how being in a relationship can totally change people. I mean one minute you are a normal human being, going through this daily struggle of life, and the next thing you know, you start to smell colors and singing with butterflies because all the love you feel is just spilling out of you. Just between you and me: you seem like a crazy person! How can another person totally transform your outlook about life?! I don’t get it!

So although this blog will have truth for everyone, this one is really gunna speak to all my fellow single and ready to mingle friends: if you let your lack of a Valentine totally affect the way you see yourself, you are as cracked out as all of these weridos in love with each other! You are strong and precious and wonderfully designed and LOVED! And if you don’t believe me, you should look at that handy dandy Bible of yours because it says it all right there. God knit you in your mother’s womb and you are wonderfully made with a purpose. The Creator of the Universe (that’s right, the whole universe) loves you! He sent His Son to die for you which in my perspective is the most amazing Valentine’s Day gift the world has ever received. Just because you can’t snag a date, doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It just means the right person hasn’t showed up yet.

So whether you have your very own cuddle buddy this Valentine’s Day or you are just rocking it by yourself, try loving like Jesus this Valentine’s Day. Look for someone that you work with that needs your love and surprise them with coffee or take them to lunch. If you have that one coworker that drives you crazy all the time, look for a way to compliment them. Write a letter to a relative that you know has been going through a hard time. Whatever you decide to do, instead of being sad that you are not the recipient of any special love this Valentine’s, look for ways to be love to someone else. (And then go and buy all that half price goodness on the 15^th) ;)   

Live. Your. Mission.

This January marks a year since I started Immersion and went on the most exciting, frustrating, and unpredictable journey of my life. Like these teams that are leaving now (by the way, add them to your prayers), we had no idea what we were getting into. I’ve never been with a group of strangers with whom I have laughed harder, prayed stronger, lived life fuller, and loved more than my 12 plus or minus team. And even though there are some of them that I don’t really keep in contact with, they are always in my thoughts. We went through some crazy stuff together. But we all made it out alive and that’s what really counts!

Experience Mission has the phrase “live your mission” as kind of like their motto. The dictionary defines mission as “a task or job someone is given to do”. To me, a mission is something you are willing to do whatever it takes and sacrifice whatever you must to accomplish it. If your mission is to be the most successful, then you are probably going to sacrifice time with those you love and miss out on a lot of the little things because you keep looking ahead. If your mission is to be the most popular, you might have to sacrifice some of your interests that not everyone thinks are cool. If your mission is to get the best grades, you are going to have to sacrifice a lot of sleep.

Recently I have been thinking about what Immersion 2015 meant for me and how it has changed me. Not all the ways are obvious like I maybe thought they would be. I still can only speak English. My diet hasn’t changed because of it (I will probably never consume as many plantations and pounds of rice and beans as I did during those six months). I don’t physically look different (well except for the scar and dent I have in my head. But thankfully you can’t really see that). I’m still me. I still enjoy the same kind of music and movies. I am still obsessed with Dunkin and will never fully understand anyone who isn’t. I still love my Seminoles. I’m just as awkward. Hanging out in the Caribbean for six months didn’t make me any cooler. The biggest change is the one you can’t see.  

My mission has changed since I went on Immersion. Making a ton of money has never really been a big motivator for me. I’ve realized that I don’t have to be popular to feel loved. School is obviously super important for me but not THE most important. In fact, before this trip, I didn’t even really have a mission. I didn’t know what I wanted out of life. But I realize now, that was because a pretty crucial piece was missing. God can’t just be a small part of our mission. He needs to be the center of our mission. He needs to be the focal point of all of the decisions we make. I’ve chosen to pursue a career in physical therapy for two reasons: one because I love God and I have prayed and trusted that He will lead me in the direction He wants me to. And second because I want to love people. I want to help give someone strength back in their leg but also strengthen their self-worth by showing them the love of Christ. I want to show people that walking again is possible. And with God, all things are possible.

So what is your mission? Is God the center of it? If He isn’t or you don’t have one, maybe you should consider a break in the Caribbean for six months. It might change your perspective.   

Praising God in the Desert

When’s the last time you praised God in the storm? Seriously think about it. I have noticed in my life that being in the storm or in the pit reminds me of my need for God and I cry out to Him. But how hard is it to remember to praise God when that’s where we are? It’s easy to glorify and thank God when things are going well because obviously we must be on good terms with God if He is blessing us. It’s a lot harder to worship when there doesn’t really seem to be a lot of things for us to be thankful for.

I think Paul is making his opinion very clear about how our worship should look:

“Rejoice always!

Pray constantly.

Give thanks in everything,

For this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Don’t stifle the Spirit.

Don’t despise prophecies, but test all things.

Hold on to what is good.”

-          1 Thessalonians 5:16-21

But our culture likes to change it:

“Rejoice only when things are going your way.

Only pray when it’s convenient.

Give thanks when you get what you want.

 Does God really have a plan for you?

Don’t listen to that voice telling what is right and wrong. You know what is best for you.

Other people have no right telling you how to live your life either.

Protect what is yours. After all you worked hard to get it.”

I mean that sounds pretty messed up. But it’s so easy for that to become our mindset without us even realizing what is going on! It’s as if when things are going great, it’s all us. Like we made our lives awesome. But God gets the credit when things get difficult. I believe God is in all of that! When things are great, He’s looking down on us with this huge smile because He loves seeing you so happy. When things are hard, He’s looking down on us with love and compassion. He’s there for all of it.

Over and over again in the Old Testament, the Israelites are told to remember all that God had done for them. Psalms talks about God bringing them out of captivity and all of the miraculous way He provided for them in the desert. The writer of the Psalms didn’t see any of that for himself, but he knew all about it because there were festivals and traditions so that the people would never forget all of the wonderful things God had done for them. Maybe that’s something you need to do. Make a list of all the times God has provided for you in the “desert” and thank Him for it.

For me personally, this is something I am working on right now. I have recently had some unexpected medical things come up and it’s scary. And I have spent a lot of time crying out to God. But I was reminded by a friend that I had a giant pole fall on my head and God took care of me then! Why wouldn’t He take of me now? My pole encounter was only a few months ago and of course when it had just happened, I thanked God for His healing all the time. But as life goes on and you feel like you have reached this mountain you can’t overcome, maybe it’s time to turn around and look at all of the ones God has already brought you over and thank Him for those. Maybe you need to bake a cake and have a party of your own to thank God for His blessings even if it doesn’t seem like this is the time to be celebrating anything. Besides, a little cake never hurt anything! 

So What Happens Next

So you want to know what’s like readjusting back to normal life after a mission trip? It’s hard. It’s very hard. Especially since I had never been away from home for more than a month. And even then it wasn’t like I had ever been outside of America for that long. So how do you adjust back to life in America after that long? You surround yourself with love and people who care about you and want to listen or are okay with just being quiet. Friends that want to take you to all of the restaurants you missed eating at. Your church family is key. A family that greet you on Sundays with a smile and a hug and who want to make sure that America is treating you right. And of course you need God. Because sometimes He’s the only person that can possibly understand what you are going through. And the only person who can make sense of all of the incomprehensible thoughts you have going on through your head. Plus, God never has to fit you into His schedule!

As far as what happens next (because that is what a lot of people want to know) I’m still not 100% sure. The thing I do know for sure is that I want missions to continue to be a part of my life for the rest of my life. The exact details are still a work in progress. I do know that writing these blogs have sparked a new interest for the communications world. Well I mean what I know of the communications world… Maybe it’s more of like public relations. I’m not sure. Which is why I’ve started meeting with a career counselor because my indecisiveness requires professional help. Honestly though: my ideal job would be the next Beth Moore and get to travel all across America talking to people and writing books and getting to pray for people I’ve never met before. But I am not Beth Moore so I have to figure out what Audrey Johnson wants to do with her life. 

Until then, I am working a lot to be able to afford tuition for school and to get myself as financially ready as I can for whatever lies ahead. And no I don’t have the most glamorous job in the world. I serve chicken to people and get paid to do it. But I’m learning to praise God where I am. And some days that is hard because I want to be Beth Moore. I want to be traveling the world. But for whatever reason, God put me here. Because this is where He needs me to be. And I’m learning to be thankful for the time here with my family not and running around globe. No, staying put is not exactly what I had in mind. But the future is unpredictable and exhausting so for now, I’m learning to be okay with the blessing of being here.