God's Provision

Are there other things I need to be doing right now? Probably.

Is it too soon to be announcing the insanity that was my day? Maybe.

But I wanted to share this while everything was as fresh as possible.

So as you may or may not know, I am currently in Fayetteville, Arkansas for my first round of clinicals for PT school. How did I end up here you may ask? Well, I told my professor I was up for an adventure so she sent me here. Then all of these just super cool but random things kept lining up into place. I actually have family that live in this area who have been so kind and generous in taking care of me. I found this girl I’m living with off air bnb who is so sweet and fun! And I made friends off bumble bff (yeah I really put myself out there) and have loved getting to spend time with them. To top it off, I got a text from my cousin a couple weeks ago saying my aunt was coming to Arkansas for work this week and we would get to spend time together! All these things were just working out so perfectly in a way I couldn’t explain but was very thankful for!

The first couple weeks I was here were hard. It was strange to go from a city I have lived in like my whole life to a place where I didn’t know really anybody. Honestly, my relationship with God kind of took a back burner position. I kept trying to fill the emptiness I was feeling with other meaningless things (mainly food tbh) and it was not helping. Like at all.

Then a few weeks ago, the sermon at the church I am attending here was about seeking the kingdom of God first. It was a seemingly simple message but man, it hit me in a real hard way. I realized that is not what I had been doing. So I got more intentional with planning my time with Jesus. I started giving up a couple extra minutes of sleep in the morning to read the Bible with breakfast and started listening to worship music on my way to work. It should be no surprise, but my mood, my energy level, and my eating habits all started improving! I thought I was on a mountain top I would get to ride forever!

But then today happened…

As I mentioned, my aunt and my cousin had come into town and I got the opportunity to eat breakfast with them before going to work this morning. Per my routine, I put on my worship music and was getting my heart and mind ready for the rest of my day. I was driving on the interstate, as I have done every day, when it started raining. No big deal right? I mean I am from Florida. The sunshine state is misleading. It rains there all the time! I slowed down a little bit but continued worshiping and enjoying my drive.

I had this moment where I heard this voice in my head that said “hey, you need to brace yourself. Satan is about to attack you and you need to be ready.” Within seconds, I was spinning out of control. I hit something really hard and came to a stop.

I woke up very aware of where I was and what I needed to do. I called 911 (who seemed surprised someone who just wrecked on the interstate was making their own call), opened my door, and walked out of my car to avoid sitting in the middle of traffic.

Turns out, I thankfully did not hit another car. Instead I hit the big concrete median. The state trooper said normally when people hit that barrier, the impact causes the car to flip. For some reason I didn’t, and he couldn’t explain that. But I can!

If you know me, you know I have been in this similar situation before. Things were going good with me and Jesus, and Satan tries to literally wreck that. Last time it was a pole in Jamaica. This time it was a slick spot on the interstate. But I got 3 words for him: NOT TODAY SATAN! God is continuing to teach me to trust Him and His power to provide. Do I wish He would have provided me like a million dollars or a husband? Oh, for sure! But this is what He is using to teach me now, so I’m trying to embrace that.

And yes, my car is totaled. And no, it’s not ideal and I’m not trying to minimize that. It sucks. But because God is good, even though I am 13 hours away from home, I still have family here that can love on me. I will have days off work to go car shopping. If something changes and my body seems to show something is wrong, I literally am working at a hospital.

And my rental car which I will be using until further notice is a 2019 Jeep Sahara, which happens to be my dream car. So things are looking up!

Valentine's Day Will Never Be The Same

It started out the same as every other Valentine’s day. Okay, it was really the same as any other day. I was going to go to school, go to work, and then go home to prepare for all the half price chocolates I was going to buy myself the next day. Typical single girl Valentine’s day plans. But then something happened that forever changed this day for me.

Last year, a student in south Florida walked onto his high school’s campus and opened fire. The numbers don’t matter because one student lost is too many. Hearing news like that is shocking no matter who you are or how close you are to the situation. But something more bothered me. This student picked today on purpose. This was his way of announcing to the world how unloved he felt. He must have cringed every time he walked past red and pink at the store during the weeks leading up to today. This was not an accident. He hated Valentine’s day. And he wanted everyone else to hate it too.

That evening, I had the privilege to speak to a number of young people. Every time tragedy like this happens, we always debate what our role is. Do we acknowledge that it happened and risk frightening those who didn’t know? How much time do we spend on heavy topics like this? I couldn’t shake the fact that even though I spoke to this group regularly about how I am there for them, I knew I needed to express this same message again. I reminded them how special they are. I reminded them how loved they are. I pleaded with them to share with someone if they are in a place of deep hurt. Not really expecting anything. Definitely not expecting this.

A young person I had spoken to before, but honestly not extensively, came to me and shared a plan they had to end their life the next day. Because they were heart broken. Because they hated Valentine’s day. The flood of emotions I felt is something I will never forget. What was I supposed to say? What could I say? What if I said everything I knew to say and it still wasn’t enough?

Let me be clear, this was not a pat on the back moment for me. I have never been so afraid in my entire life. I literally do not remember 98% of the words that came out of my face. For over 2 hours, I sat on the floor with this person I barely knew, internally weeping and praying that God would take over this conversation. I knew I needed Him at this moment more than I ever had before.

(“And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.” -1 Corinthians 12:9-10)

I remember telling them what anyone who has experienced heartbreak before would have told them: you are going to make it. That pain is so real. I would never try to act like it wasn’t. Being rejected by someone who you thought loved you is the worst feeling. But one day, it will get better. For sure not overnight, even though sometimes that would be nice. There is nothing you cannot overcome. How sad it is when we choose a permanent or life-altering solution to a feeling that is so temporary.

It’s not new information that there are hurting people in our world. Heartbreaks, tragedy, and disappointments are all things we will deal with at some point in our lives.

Your hurt is not too extreme for someone to understand. You do not have to fight these feelings alone.

Please don’t ever be too busy for someone who needs you. We all need someone to talk to. Be willing to be that person. I’ll be that person for you if you need it!

And if you are involved in our DNow this weekend, first of all, get SOO excited!! This weekend is going to be amazing! But even though we would love to make it an isolated bubble of fun and protection, there are going to be students there dealing with the worst of life. A simple reminder of “you are loved” may mean the world to someone. My request for this week is for us all to be praying that God continues to work in spite of our weaknesses and that no student will leave Sunday unsure of their worth!

Darkness will not win this weekend. Not today Satan!