Embracing the Journey

You know that saying “there’s a light at the end of the tunnel”? It’s supposed to be a message of hope and inspiration that tells us if we keep going and keep pushing, one day we will work our way out of this dark, black hole we are in and finally be able to move on to bigger and better things. A lot of times also you will hear Christians say phrases like “I can’t wait to find out the next big thing God has planned for me”. We should be totally excited about the next phase in our lives because yes, God does have amazing things in store for all of us. But what if the journey was more important than the destination? What if we get so focused on the light at the end of the tunnel, we miss all of the things that fill the inside of it?

Looking at things from a Biblical perspective, the Israelites were terrible with this concept. Right now, I am reading through Deuteronomy and in the beginning Moses kind of gives a recap of all that has happened with the Israelites since they were slaves in Egypt. He reminds them of how miraculous (and honestly quite terrifying) their rescue from Egypt was. Now, Israel knew they were on their way to bigger and better things. I mean, they were slaves. It couldn’t get any worse than that. But it wasn’t long before the desert sun did a number on their brains because they actually started wishing they could go back to Egypt. Like that was better than their present circumstance. Basically they were saying “I mean like slavery wasn’t great. We got beat a lot and the work was really hard. But it was better than all of this sand.” It’s a good thing that I am not God because I would have just sent them back! They had literally lost so much patience for the journey to the promised land that they missed slavery! I know we have all exaggerated and said things we don’t really mean, but that’s insane. And because of their unwillingness to look at their current journey as a gift from God and trust His guidance, it took a really, really long time for them to get to their destination.

When they were finally going to be able to enter the land God had promised them, God started giving Moses all of these rules for how and when they were supposed to bring sacrifices to Him and even for what occasion they were to celebrate. God told them to have a special festival (aka the Passover) to celebrate when God brought them out of Egypt and to thank Him for what He did for them during their journey. After all, He did send food from the sky on a regular basis and had water come out of rocks. He had their journey under control. He wasn’t just letting them wonder aimlessly, hoping they would find the next big thing He had for them. He was there with them the whole time and was doing amazing things during that time! They just needed to be willing and able to stop and smell the cactus roses along the way.

I’m currently seeing this in my own life. (For those that don’t know) it is my dream and ultimate goal to become a pediatric physical therapist. And from right now, I have about 5 years before that becomes a reality. When I think about how far away that next step is, it kind of makes me want to throw up. That’s over 1,800 days of homework and tests and studying I still have left to do. I would love to just magically have my degree and start helping all of the little angels of the world like tomorrow. But that’s not how God works. He’s not some genie that will give me a diploma if I wish for it. God has my journey already mapped out. He knows where I am going to go and who I am going to meet along the way. He knows the challenges and obstacles I am going to face. And He also knows the small victories I am going to have along the way (like hopefully dominating physics this semester!) But my focus right now needs to be on the journey.

So where are you? Maybe you have just reached the light at the end. You’ve started an exciting new chapter of your life. That’s something worth celebrating! Go back and think about all of the ways God grew you during that time of waiting and searching. That’s what makes your journey unique. That’s what makes your journey yours. Or maybe you are in the middle of two major phases in your life. Yeah, it can be really frustrating to be in this limbo phase while you are trying to figure out your next step. But enjoy it! Look for the little miracles God is doing along the way. Notice the design inside the tunnel. You’ll appreciate the other side so much more if you don’t try sprinting through it.

Casting My Cares On Him

If you have talked to me at all in the past couple weeks, I have not been shy about the fact that I am feeling very overwhelmed with life right now. I try not to get stressed out a lot. But when I do, I like really do! And these past two weeks have been filled with tons of deadlines and emotional roller coasters. There were even times I felt physically sick because I was freaking out about life so much. What was the cause of all of my worry and stress? I’m so glad you asked J

This week officially began my journey as a Florida State Seminole. (YAY!) I was not really ever sure if FSU is where I would eventually end up. I always wanted to go there but I had never set my heart on it simply because I hadn’t decided what I wanted to major in! What if I picked something FSU didn’t offer? But I did, and now I get to work toward being a 2^nd generation Nole (SO to my mom). But figuring out what classes I need and balancing it with my work schedule was a lot for me to try to plan out. And then just when I thought I had decided on the perfect schedule, I got an email saying that I was signed up for a class I didn’t have the right prerequisites for. Great, now what am I going to do?!

Audrey, I need you to trust Me.

And if trying to pick out classes and times for college isn’t stressful enough, you also got to pay for them! I’m taking 14 credit hours this semester and if you know anything about how expensive college is, you can imagine how much money that is. My parents of course assured me they were here to help me. But I want to be independent. I want to be self-sufficient. I want to be an adult. I got a major heart check one Sunday when I thought I could tell God that He didn’t need my tithe money. I needed it… Then (not coincidentally) I read the verses where Jesus told His disciples and the Pharisees “Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s and give to God what is God’s”. I couldn’t ignore that! So I did it. But it was really hard.

Audrey, I need you to trust Me.

One of my best friends and my spiritual other half just got married in Denmark. (No, I didn’t get to go.) And not only that, she and her new husband are moving to Colorado this week! They didn’t ask my permission before they did that either! All joking aside, I really am so, so happy for them. I love them both so much and I think they are going to have the most amazing life together. But I’m really sad for me. Not just because she’s 25 hours away, but it brings up all of these other emotions. I want to find the most amazing guy that I can be best friends with and tolerate enough to consider spending the rest of my life with him. I want someone that will go on a life-long adventure with me to wherever, whenever.

Audrey, I need you to trust Me.

In case it went over your head, those fancy little italicized sentences are what I have been hearing from God over and over again. And you know what, He was right.

My school schedule hit a little bump in the road. But now with my new schedule, I am hopefully going to be able to shadow a physical therapist who works with kids (which is my dream!). That would not have been possible with my school schedule before.

School fees are due next week. I was waiting to pay them until I had gotten all of the paychecks I could. My most recent one was more than I was anticipating it to be! It wasn’t an accident though. I had just forgotten about how much overtime I had worked. But it was still a welcomed surprise!

Every once in a while, I have a “forever alone” pity party for myself, but I’m not alone! I have my family, my roommates, my friends, my girls at church. I’m basically dating Chick-fil-a (I spend most of my time there and try to look at least presentable when I go to work. So yes, we’re dating.) Besides, I’m not really sure with what free time I could really invest in a relationship right now anyway. I know God’s going to send me my Jesus-loving Prince Charming when we're both ready. And my life with him is going to be an adventure. But for right now, I really am okay with being a super awesome single pringle!

In addition to all of these things, I have been so strongly encouraged from my friends and family these past couple weeks. I’ve had people text me out of the blue asking how they could be praying for me. (When that happened, I cried. Like a lot.) Any time I start to get frustrated and start to think I can’t do this and I can’t handle it, there is someone always right there assuring me I can. So thank you, all of you, for your words of affirmation. I so appreciate having such wonderful people in my life. And above all, I am trying to trust God even when it feels like I’m losing at life. I’m obviously not perfect in that area yet. But I’m learning how much more enjoyable life can be when I cast my cares on Him.