When the Answer is Wait

Whether you have grown up in the church or never entered one, everyone has at some point been around someone who has been praying. We pray before we eat. We pray before sporting events. We pray before a big test or presentation. We pray when someone’s health is declining and we feel like it’s all we can do. Maybe you pray knowing God is right there with you and that He is holding your hand through it all. Maybe you don’t even really believe God can hear you or that He cares but you have run out of other options.

The point is: the idea of prayer is not some new concept that we are unfamiliar with. And honestly, the act of prayer itself is often the easy part. (Well except those moments when we are doing it out of complete humility because we can’t do it on our own. But that’s a topic for another day.) The hardest part of praying is listening for the answer.

You’ve probably heard the saying God answers prayers in 3 ways: yes, no, or wait. Everyone gets excited about the yes's. That’s like praying about this new job you want and getting hired on the spot. Typically, everyone hopes for the yes. You can almost picture God as like this gentle, sweet Grandfather that just wants to give you the world.

Then there are the no’s. These tend to happen when we send up those 911 prayers before the test we didn’t study for and hope God will just magically give us the answers. I’m not saying that never happens. But usually He says no in those situations to teach us a lesson.

Then there is the most dreaded answer: WAIT. I know for when I pray, I am not only praying for my circumstance but I am also praying that “wait” is not the answer. We are a society built on instant gratification. So the idea of waiting for an answer is actually the worst. It’s as if God doesn’t tell us the answer right away because then we have to keep coming and talking to Him. Sometimes we are not patient enough to wait for the answer so we leave the issue alone and hope the next time we ask God for something, His response time will be more like kraft mac-n-cheese and less like slow roasting a turkey.

I’m caught in the middle of this whole “wait and see” situation at the moment. I have been presented with an amazing opportunity but I don’t know where God is going to let it take me. And guess what? He hasn’t told me yet! He’s told me to wait and see because where I am now could be very different than where I am in a couple years (or something ridiculous like that). And yeah, it is super frustrating! I hate surprises. I like to know what is going to happen to me. But I also know if I spend all my time trying to over-analyze the whole situation, I’ll going to be totally missing out on the ride He wants to take me on. And that’s not something I am willing to miss out on! So I guess I will be waiting… as annoying as it is.

Life Changes

I did something I didn’t think I would ever do… I quit Chick-fil-A. Everybody knows how much I love the fil-A. Just ask my immersion team. I literally dreamed about those waffled potatoes once a week while we were gone! I knew at some point I would leave for graduate school but that isn’t going to be for another year and a half. I figured it was going to take Jesus coming directly to me and telling me to leave in order for me to really do it! Well, He used some other people to do it, but that’s basically what happened.

About a month ago, our youth pastor at Celebration approached me and asked me to be his student ministry assistant. I was honestly shocked when he asked me. I do lead a group of wonderful 11^th grade girls on Sunday morning, but I had never hinted or hoped for an actual job in student ministry. I just assumed God put those callings people’s hearts and that hadn’t happened to me. I was convinced Aaron had picked the wrong person for this. But I told him I would pray about it even though in the back of my mind I was sure God was going to tell me he was way off (no offense Aaron!).

As an added stressor to this decision, it was also finals week! I know God’s timing is perfect but I didn’t understand why He told Aaron this would be the best week to tell me. I could barely get any studying done because of all of the thoughts and feelings I was having about this decision. So I prayed. Hard. That God would make the right answer obvious soon because I had exams I needed to pass.

The day after Aaron talked to me, I set up a coffee date with Lori Cooley (Lemme tell you, God knew what He was doing putting that lady into my life a long time ago). Anyway, I was on my way to meet with her, crying and praying over what the right answer was. I remember asking God “I just want You to show what the best use of my time is”. And oh so clearly I heard this “Um excuse Me, I think you mean MY time!” This is definitely one of those things that makes me sound like a crazy person if you don’t know about hearing the voice of God. But I’m telling you, I knew it was Him. And that was just the beginning.

In a matter of 2 days, I knew what the answer was. I never did hear God say the words “this is the job I want you to have”. There isn’t a Bible verse with my name in it telling me the correct answer. But God crammed a whole lot of tiny messages and reminders in those 2 days. (which still gave me plenty of time to study for my finals!) There was no doubt in my mind that God had hand delivered this job to me. So I did it. I quit Chick-fil-A.

I know that this job at Celebration is going to be a challenge. And I know I’m way out of my league doing it. But I also know that I am going to have to depend on God’s direct leadership to be successful in this new adventure. And since when has needing to pray more been a bad thing? I am so excited for this new experience. I think it is going to grow me and shape me further into the person God wants me to be. So I’m following His guidance on this journey He has laid out for me. One step at a time.

Medical Assistance

Well, I had to take another visit to the doctor… While I was on my 6-month adventure, I actually collected two injuries. One of them is obviously my head injury. Many of you know that story. It is a good one! And thankfully, I only really experience major pain from it once every couple months. Considering everything my poor head and neck went through, I see that as a major success. However, at some point during my trip (I think it was while I was in Belize but I am honestly not sure) I injured my foot. I probably like tripped over a log or something because I am as graceful as a rhino. I really don’t remember the exact moment that it happened. But it never really been super swollen or bruised so I just thought it would go away.

So here we are a year and a half later and it still bothers me. Not an overwhelming amount. I can still walk around campus and even run without too much pain. I started teaching dance again and that usually irritates it but for the most part it’s okay! But I noticed it was starting to get worse so I decided it was about time to get it looked at.

This past Wednesday I went to TOC to get it checked out. They took x-rays of my foot and then my mom and I went and sat in the room while we waited for the doctor to come give me the news. When he walked in, he came and pushed a couple areas on my foot. It actually felt pretty good, like a foot massage… Until he hit that one spot. Lemme tell you, I almost gave him a swift kick to the jaw. He kind of gave a half smile when I cringed because he knew that was going to be my reaction. It was conformation that he knew what was going on.

Apparently, I broke something that he referred to as the “kneecap of my big toe”. Not really sure exactly what that means but it kind of makes sense. But all I knew for sure was that for the past year and a half, I have been walking around broken. And I didn’t even know it! He got onto me for not coming to see him sooner but I thought I was okay. I thought I could handle it by myself.

A lot of times, God is like my doctor. He has all of the answers. He even knows how to fix it. We just have to admit that we have a problem. We have to be willing to let God take an x-ray of our hearts and show us the things that have been hurting us. The things that have been making us broken. That process is scary. And it might hurt. But once we can see and understand what has been hurting us, it should make us want to do whatever it takes to heal it.

Why did it take me so long to finally admit to a doctor that I had a problem and that I was in pain? How long do we walk around with things that hurt us and cause us pain before we finally decide to let God come in and heal us? It’s easy to be stubborn. To think that we can handle everything on our own. That if we just keep ignoring a problem, it will eventually go away. But we are walking around with broken bones. That kind of stuff doesn’t just heal on its own. It involves us making an appointment with THE doctor and healer and letting Him go to work.

People, Prayers, and Polynesian Sauce

So I made this lady cry at work yesterday… 

Hopefully you know me well enough to know it’s not because I yelled at her or told her she was ordering chicken wrong. I don’t really have that kind of personality like at all. Here’s what happened:

It was later in the evening, maybe like 8:30, and this lady in her mid-50s to early 60s came into the restaurant. I had sent everyone on cleaning projects to get us working on closing down the store, so I went over to take her order. I noticed that she was wearing all black but she looked very nice and put together so I didn’t really think anything of it. Nothing really unusual happened while she was ordering. She ordered a couple sandwiches and asked me if there was anything that would hold over until tomorrow, so I recommended our Spicy Southwest Salad (but this isn’t sponsored) since we refrigerate it anyway. The rest of the transaction went just as any other one would have.

After her sandwiches came up, I went to go give her the food she ordered. When I walked over to her, she didn’t say anything. She was just standing there nodding her head with her lips pressed together like she was trying to hold back something. I asked her if she was okay and she just broke down. Right there in the middle of the store. She told me her mom was in hospice and things were not looking good for her. Then she just came in for a hug and held me and told me how she was having the worst day and I was so nice to her and made her feel special. I told her I was very sorry for what she going through. She tried to tip me a couple dollars and I told her that we are not supposed to accept tips but that I appreciated the gesture. She kept insisting and finally I told her I would take it. This lady was just trying to show her generosity and I wasn’t going to throw her money back at her and tell her no. Especially after the kind of day she had. Then she took her food and left.

I literally stood there speechless trying to process this strange but super personal interaction I had just had with this lady. I had to walk in the back and compose myself for a second (I’m a sympathetic crier so this was kind of hard for me to keep it together). This wasn’t the first time this had happened to me either. Last month, I sat with a lady that came in with her kids who had a breakdown because her husband had been gone for almost a week working on the power lines after the hurricane hit and she was just exhausted. Yes, she made me want to cry too…

Everyone has heard phrases like “be sure to smile at everyone because you don’t know what they are going through”. But like really, you have no idea. And why people feel like they can be vulnerable with this chick who just took their order at a restaurant, I’m not sure. In both cases, I wasn’t intending to know things about the personal lives of these women. I noticed they looked upset and asked if they were okay. I try to pray every day that Christ’s love would radiate out of me and that people would be able to see that He has made me into a different person. When situations like this happen, I totally believe it’s because they see that. Christ has given me a desire to love those who need it and be there for the broken hearted. In fact, He calls all of us to do that. Sometimes we are too busy to notice those people though. All they want is for someone to see their hurt and offer help.

I know that working at Chick-fil-a is not the most glamorous job. (I mean I do rock the mess out of my picnic blanket shirt.) But it does put me in contact with so many people I would never run into if I didn’t work there. And honestly, that’s what Chick-fil-a’s mission is. At the end of the day, it’s not about how many sandwiches we sold. It’s about using food as a tool to bring people in and make connections with them. (Maybe I should be sponsored by Chick-fil-a for this.) But that’s how you should see your job or your classes at school too. Yes, it is about making money to pay the bills or making the grades to graduate and get a good job. But it’s also about putting yourself out in the world so you can get to know people and radiate Jesus. It might be kind of scary sometimes and not always the most fun. But people just need to know that someone cares enough to ask.

PS. I would also ask that you keep Mrs. Sam (the lady I met last night) and her family in your prayers. I don’t know if I will ever see or hear from her again but I know she would appreciate the thought!

Spreading Some Sunshine

For anyone keeping track (which is probably nobody, which is fine because I have), this is the 3^rd post I’ve written this month. Normally they are more spread out than this, but I just have so many thoughts I want to share! It’s no secret that the world today is full of a lot of messed up stuff. There’s so much tension and hurting and sadness. And if you know me at all, I try to focus on the good stuff. Especially as we move toward Thanksgiving and all of the other major upcoming holidays, I think it’s super important for us to think about the good things in our lives and the things to be thankful for. So here’s my list:

I’m not failing school yet! I was sure that between working as much as I need to and all of the hours I am taking I would be behind. But not right now! I mean there are some nights that I get less than the ideal amount of sleep, but that’s what coffee for. (I’m super thankful for coffee!) Also, for a while there was some confusion and delay about me receiving my bright futures scholarship for this semester. But I got it last week! Talk about a major stress relief! I literally did a dance when I saw it was in my bank account.

Today is my best friend’s birthday! So even though I’m spending most of my day doing homework and working, I’m still crazy thankful for her. She has been there for everything. And even though we have been friends for over 7 years now, we’ve only had a fight once. And it was the most awkward 5 minutes of our friendship (yes, literally it only lasted 5 minutes).

In 138 days, I get to go spend my spring break with my soul sister and her new husband! *cue overwhelming amount of tears of joy* She’s my first friend to get married and move away which has been really hard but I know she’s happy and that makes me so, so happy. I can’t wait to attack her with all of my built up hugs and love for her.

A couple weeks ago, I got to go to a wedding for someone that was on my mission trip. I love weddings! And I love that I got to meet my #1 snapchat friend on my trip and I got to see her start her forever with her wonderful husband. And in 221 days, I get to go to another wedding for someone I met on my trip. I don’t like that both of them don’t live in the same state as me but I like reasons to travel!

There are so many other things I could write about that I am thankful for. I can’t really even explain why but I have never been so content and continuously joyful as I am right now. My life definitely isn’t perfect and I’m not living the dream yet. But I am just overwhelmingly happy with everything. I am so beyond blessed!

You know what else is good news: Jesus. You had to know this was coming. I started reading 1 Peter this week which is a book I’m not super familiar with. But I found this verse that I wanted to share. It’s not very long but it says so much in so few words. “Praise the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. According to His great mercy, He has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead and into an inheritance that is imperishable, uncorrupted, and unfading, kept in heaven for you.” (1 Peter 1: 3-4) If you have no other reason to be thankful, celebrate what Jesus did for you. He is our LIVING hope. Living. It’s still a thing. He didn’t just come and go and that was the end. He is living, currently. And not only did He give us a new purpose and life here on earth, but as believers we get to be a part of the party going on up in heaven after we die. We did nothing to deserve Christ’s sacrifice for us. And we really don’t deserve the gift that heaven is. But God gives it to us anyway!

So maybe try making a list and add one thing each day of something you are thankful for. Some days, it may be easier to come up with something than others. But try! Tell God what you are thankful for! If you need help getting started, today (October 25^th) is national greasy food day. I looked it up! So start by being thankful for deliciously unhealthy food, like pizza, and go from there. 

Single Pringle

Now, I realize this is a frequent topic of discussion for me. However, this is something that is brought up in my life very frequently and I kind of consider myself an expert in the area. It also might seem like I’m trying to low-key advocate for myself, but I promise, that’s not the goal. The goal is to encourage and support those in my similar situation. (Mom, don’t read this part) I also might be avoiding the homework I’m supposed to be doing that’s due tomorrow… But that’s why we have coffee #DDaddict

For those that don’t know every detail of my life, I live with the Rachel(e)s. And they are both two of my favorite people on the planet. They help me laugh when I am having a bad day. They listen to my rants. They keep me smiling on the good days. They are both smart and beautiful and motivated… And in love. Like marriage on the brain kind of in love. That’s something we do not all have in common. And I have been asked by several people “don’t you get lonely when they have their boyfriends/ fiancés over and you don’t have anybody?”

Here’s where there needs to be a lot of clarification. There is a major difference between being single and being lonely. For the vast majority of my life, I have been REAL single. But I am by no means lonely. The way I picture loneliness is as a sad, longing for something different kind of state. Loneliness happens when we start criticizing ourselves because we can’t figure out why people don’t want to date us. When I think of loneliness, I think of watching “The Notebook” while crying your eyes out and eating a half gallon of ice cream. So am I lonely? Oh for sure not!

Now, do I feel super single a lot? Totally! But that doesn’t mean I’m jealous of my friends that are in relationships. I don’t try to figure out what is wrong with me. It’s not hard for me to be happy for my friends who have found that person that they want to spend the rest of their lives with. I even get to go to a wedding this weekend to celebrate one of my friends who has. I never feel more single than when I am at a wedding. But not in a bad way! Instead, I get to go see two people who are crazy in love with each other commit to sharing their lives with each other, and I get hope and pray that one day, I will be that lucky.

But until that day comes, I get to share all of my love with so many other people. Everyone needs love! I’m not ready to let one person have so much of mine. I have too much fun investing it into my girls at church, the people I work with (although, most of the time that comes out as tough love), my family, my friends. The list goes on and on. I am so, so happy with my life right now. God continues to show me His love and His blessings in all of the little things.

So how are you feeling? Are you a single or a lonely person? I mean I guess you can technically be married and lonely. (I have no advice on that though other than relationships are worth the hard work. So invest in a bonding time vaca.) But maybe you are feeling real single and lonely. I’ve totally been there. I haven’t always radiated the “I don’t need no man” confidence that I have today. It’s taken a lot of time to understand how much God loves me and learning how to love myself. I’ve also significantly cut down on the number of romantic comedies I watch. That seems to help a lot.

This is an offer especially for my single ladies (now put your hands up… sorry couldn’t resist) but this really goes for anybody. But us single pringle chicas have to stick together! If you want a no strings attached date night, hollacha girl! We can go to your favorite restaurant and I’ll tell you how beautiful you look and just listen if that’s what you need. Sometimes, it’s nice having a reason to get dressed up. I’ll totally be that reason for you! Or if you just need someone to talk to you on your lonely days, feel free to text/ call me whenever. I’ll be that person too. Like I said, I got a lot of love to give out. Don’t be shy :)

2.0

I don’t normally post this late at night but I’m currently at the Catalyst Conference in Hot-lanta (which is basically like the adult version of Passion) and feeling super overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions so I just really needed to spit all of this out. (Also part of the reason I’m writing so late is because Morgan and I may have brilliantly locked ourselves out of our hotel room but that’s a whole other story!) So what you are about to read actually has nothing to do with what we have been talking about at Catalyst. It’s just something that was running through my mind during worship. I’m sure I will write about Catalyst soon but I gotta process it all first.

This is going to sound so stupid but I used to think that people who could sing hymns like a boss and lead exhilarating praise and worship were somehow doing it better than me. Like as if our singing ability was determined by how much God enjoyed our praise and worship. Yeah, I know it’s stupid. But it’s what I thought. I thought that if I worshipped hard enough, I would suddenly be able to sing like Carrie Underwood because God was going to glorify my worship by making it sound pitch perfect. And then that’s when I would know I was doing it right. If I sounded better one day than another, well I must be more in love with Jesus that day.

Or another example (just to show you the less attractive parts of my heart): sometimes I look at people like the speakers here at Catalyst and I think to myself “they must carry wisdom that I can never achieve. I mean I have this blog that some people read but obviously the way I see God isn’t perfect because I’m not talking to thousands about my version of Jesus.” That’s real selfish and prideful I know. But that’s sometimes how I feel.

Maybe at some point you have felt the same way. Maybe you feel like Christianity should make us into a better version of ourselves. And in a sense it does. But not in like the way iphones simply update all the time. No. Salvation deletes our “app” entirely and downloads Christ into our lives. It’s not that we become a 2.0 version of ourselves. We are literally supposed to become Christ.

I have just had to come to face the reality that I will never sound like a recording artist. Does that stop me from praising my heart out? No it sure doesn’t. I just let loose now. I may not even be singing notes in the song. I don’t care! I’m making a joyful noise to the Lord. Am I going to become a best-selling author one day? Not at the moment. (I mean first I would actually have to write a book.) But does that mean that I or you don’t understand having a relationship with Jesus as well as these pastors who lead conferences do? Definitely not!

Listen, if you don’t feel like you have anything to contribute to your church or your community because you don’t have golden pitch pipes or a great sermon with a well-organized power-point, then you have missed something big. We can’t all be Andy Stanleys and Judah Smiths. We can’t all be Chris Tomlin and David Crowders. If we were all up on stage doing our own version of what “ideal Christianity” looks like, who would be at your work telling people about Jesus? Who would be investing in the lives of your neighbors and those around you? I don’t know where your niche is. And honestly, I’m not always sure where mine is either. But the world does not need you to update and make a 2.0 version of yourself. It needs you to take on the heart and soul of Christ and just go. Go. Be. Love.