Too Scared To Serve

Have you ever done something that at first you weren’t super excited about? But then once you got there, you ended up having tons of fun? Like for me, every time my family would tell us we were going to go on a camping trip, I would be super against it at first. It’s too hot. There are bugs. I won’t get to have a lot of personal space. You get that super gross and sticky feeling (I can handle dirty but I DO NOT like being sticky). But every time we go I have so much fun! I just need someone to make me go out and do it.

Well, this past week was also an example of that. So a couple months ago, I was asked by the one of the children’s directors (shout out to my neighbor/ coolest boss ever Kara) to consider leading the missions rotation of Adventure Week. For those of you that don’t go Celebration, Adventure Week is our version of VBS. As many of you know, I went on a six month long mission trip last year and Kara and a couple others had decided I would be a great person to come and lead missions. There were a couple problems though. First, I was signed up to take classes over the summer and Adventure Week and school schedules don’t really go together. However, God had already taken care of that one. My summer class finished literally the week before Adventure Week. Second of all, when I told my sister and a couple other people that I had been asked to lead it, their responses were always “Oh yeah the missions rotation isn’t really the kids’ favorite”. Not really the most encouraging thing to hear! But I mean, it makes sense. The rest of Adventure Week is full of games and crafts and music. You can see how learning about what someone did in a different country wouldn’t really be anyone’s favorite part of that week.

My first reaction was to say no. Doing the missions for Adventure Week would mean having to yell over and control tons of kids while you try to teach them, which did not sound appealing at all (this is why people who love to and want to be teachers make no sense to me). But then to know from the beginning that kids weren’t really even excited about missions anyway totally scared me! What would make what I had to say any more fun or relatable than what the people who had lead in the past had to say? I did not feel equipped to do something like that.

But then one day I was listening to a sermon (is it still called a sermon even if they aren’t a pastor? Not that it matters) by Christine Caine and she was talking about being servants where we are asked, when we are asked. I knew leading missions would not be the most “glamourous” position during the week. I wouldn’t have a stage to speak to thousands on. I would have a room. Trying to yell over and keep the attention of 50+ kids at a time. But I knew I had been asked because someone believed I could do it. And I knew that this was something God had basically handed me to do. So I said yes.

And let me tell you, this past week at Adventure Week was so wonderful! I’m not going to lie, it was crazy exhausting! But it was so much fun to get to tell kids about my trip and show them pictures and videos of the places I went. Kids have such a desire to learn and explore so getting to see things and learn about places they have never been to is actually super cool for them. It took a lot of planning and creativity (2 things I am not very good at). But let me tell you, all of the positive feedback I got from the kids and even the leaders was so amazing! On the last day, I even had a little girl come up to me and tell me that now she wanted to be a missionary when she grew up! How awesome is that?!

The point is: be willing to let God use you where you are at. You may not have a microphone or a big fancy platform. You might have a room with like 10 people in it. Or even just 1 person that God has brought into your life so you can be a light to them. Take advantage of those moments because they are preparing you for when the big moments do come. There are no regrets when we let God use us. Only when we are too scared to trust Him when He gives us opportunities to serve Him.

You are not alone

Before you begin reading this, you should know a couple things. The first thing is that the things I blog about and the words I type on this page I do not consider my own. I don’t just sit down and decide when and about what I am going to blog about. Everything I share is things that I feel like God has placed on my heart. And I cannot tell you how rewarding and wonderful it is when I get to hear people tell me about how something I said related to them or connected to them. The second thing is God has pushed this so strongly on my heart today that I know one of you reading this needs to hear it. So don’t be shocked when you (whoever you are) reads this. Because God knew you needed to hear it. Maybe you’re ignoring Him because you think He doesn’t get it but He knew you would end up here. So He’s using me to get to you.

I’ve realized something over the past few days: growing up is not all fun and games like maybe we thought it would be when we were younger. Even in high school (when we thought we were adults but we definitely weren’t), the stuff that worried us were things like grades, being the best at our sport or in our band, making sure we could find the perfect prom dress and date. Problems that as adults we wish we had! Now it’s things like paying bills, making deadlines at work, managing relationships with our coworkers and maybe even our spouses, being there for family and friends going through some health issues that we don’t know all the answers to. Life is full of real deal scary stuff. Things that we can’t control. We wish we could, but we can’t. We don’t always have all the answers. Doctors don’t always have all the answers. Our friends don’t always have the answers. Our bosses don’t always have all the answers.

So we put our heads down and walk through the storms of life. Have you ever been hit by one of life’s tornados and while you are pushing through the winds and struggling just to stand, you look to the right and to the left and you think yourself “I am having to do this alone”? Have you ever had that thought? You can be surrounded by hundreds of people and still feel so alone. Because you look around and there is not a single person that can possible understand what you are going through. Maybe you have started isolating yourself from other people because you feel like no one can relate to the pain or stress or doubts you are dealing with. Maybe you have even started putting up a front around others because you don’t want them to know or ask what is wrong because then you have to talk about it and be open and vulnerable and that hurts even more. So you pretend like you have everything together and that life is great but really it’s not.

Now that you know I am talking to you, here’s what you need to know: you are not alone. There are bills that you don’t know how you are going to have the money for. (You are not alone.) Every time you see that person, they know just what to say to make you feel worse about yourself. (You are not alone.) Your insecurity is getting stronger and stronger but you try to hide it so no one will see your weakness. (You are not alone.) The diagnosis you or someone you love does not look good. (You are not alone.) You feel like no one is listening and that no one cares. (You are not alone.)

You are not alone. God has never left you. “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10) Yeah, you may have hit a bump in the road. That doesn’t mean God abandoned you. That doesn’t mean He doesn’t care. There is a constant battle going on for your heart and for your trust and for your soul. See the Devil wants you feel isolated. He wants you to feel unwanted. He wants you to feel unloved. You need to get those thoughts and those fears out of your head. You are treasured. You are loved. Unconditionally. You are strong. Because you have an army of angels surrounding you and a Heavenly Father who put His Spirit inside of you and He is fighting for you. And one day (and I know it doesn’t seem like this now) you will be able to look back from the other side with victory. And you are going to be able to share your story and touch so many others who don’t feel like anyone understands them. And you are going to make Satan regret ever trying to mess with you. Because God is going to use this hard time that you are going through in ways that are going to blow your mind! But until that day comes, wake up every day with the desire to fight. Fight for your self-esteem. Fight for your family. Fight for your health. Fight for your joy. Fight for your purpose.

So now you’re either one of two people: you are either currently in the fight or you know someone who is. If you are in the fight, find someone that can encourage you and pray for you and support you and love you. If you need someone but don’t know who, I’ll volunteer. You can send me a message or shoot me a text. Everything will be between you, me, and God. I would love to pray for you. And if you are the person that knows someone who is going through the fight, blow up their phone with encouragement. Attack them with hugs and love. Because I’m sure you have been through your own struggles and you know how it felt to know people were there for you. So be that for someone else.

You are not alone. 

Planning Our Future

(I would like to begin with a shout out to my soul sister Jordan because she suggested I share my thoughts on this topic.) The other night we were getting dinner and talking about growing up, looking for careers, future places we would like to live, and everything that goes with that. Because the reality is life is FULL of uncertainty and sometimes it requires that we make some major changes. Sometimes those can be really exciting and sometimes they can be super scary. (Honestly a lot of times, they seem to be both.) But how do we know that we are doing what God’s will is for our lives?

The Bible is packed with all sorts of wonderful verses of wisdom and encouragement, but there are no specific verses with our names in them telling us exactly who and where we are supposed to be in our lives. There is no chapter or verse with your name in it explaining God’s perfect plan for you. So how do we know when we are making the right decisions?

My mom’s rule always has been as long as it is not illegal or in direct contradiction with the Bible and we have really prayed about it, there’s nothing really to say if something is or isn’t God’s plan is for us. Because on the one hand yes, we do serve an all-powerful and all-knowing God and He knows us better than we know ourselves so of course He has a pretty good idea of where we are best fit in this world. But we also have the gift of free will. God wants us to explore the world around us and to seek to know ourselves and ultimately Him in a deep personal way. As long as you are not flat out disobeying God, you are free to make your own choices! (I mean you can choose to disobey God but I wouldn’t recommend that.) Now because He knows what is best for us, He does want us to seek His plan for us. Because that is where we will find our most joy and fulfillment. God gave us our specific list of gifts and abilities to help us find our niche but I believe we have the chance to figure out all the details on our own.

Let’s be for real: in a very literal sense, does the Bible say that it matters whether you live in Michigan or California? Um nope, at least in my Bible it doesn’t. Maybe your translation is different. Lemme tell you what mine says though. “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:19-20) Does God say that it maters whether you go to FSU or UF? No! (Actually, it does matter. Don’t go to UF.) But we are called to go be salt and light wherever we live. Wherever we work. With whomever we marry. With the way we act and the words we say and the things we do.

So of course, seek God and ask for His help when you are searching for the answers. Don’t think you can do life without Him. Because He will be quick to remind you that you can’t. But if you feel a peace about your decision, go for it! God’s not going to send you a DM with your life laid out for you. Strive to live your life in a way that honors Him. Use your talents to glorify Him. Surround yourself with people who can encourage you to make good decisions. And the rest will fall into place!